The Truth About Honesty

I was on social media the other day and I read something where Speaker Paul Ryan stated that it really doesn’t matter if Donald Trump lies on Twitter. The story went on further with more from Speaker Ryan saying something to the fact that we should not take Donald Trump’s words literally. I had to stop for a moment and think about what I had just read. We are not suppose to take the President Elect seriously or literally? When you stop and think about it on those terms it not only is a  truly disturbing statement, but also has disturbing implications which should matter to us all on varied levels.

I remember when I was a single parent raising my children. The number one family rule in our house was always be honest. I would always tell my children,”There is nothing you can do we can not find a solution for, but the one thing we cannot fix is a lie.” This is a lesson parents all over the world are teaching their children. There is a value in your words and the honesty of those words. When I decided to write my first book at 40 I remember my mother saying to me, “Speak your truth. Do not make it any more or less and do not change it to make someone else feel more comfortable. As long as you are truthful and write from your heart people will respect that above all.”  You know what?  She was right. There is something inherently powerful about your truth and people will always eventually see through dishonesty. It is a remedial lesson and one which is one of the first things we are taught a very young ages.

Now I could quote to you numerous historical figures speaking about truth. In fact, one of the first history lessons all children are taught is the idea of Honest Abe which of course refers to President Abraham Lincoln. The point being, we are taught the value of a person’s  worth in this world is not measured through money or things, but the value of a person’s words and the veracity of the truth behind those words are the true measure of a person’s character. Then why does Speaker Ryan believe it is okay for the most powerful leader in the world to be dishonest? What kind of message does that statement send to our youth?

We are living through some very strange times in not only this country but the world as a whole. Social media, which at one time was considered to be the great social experiment, is failing all of us on so many levels. I find it disturbing at the amount of falsehoods which are being peddled on a daily basis and the fact people are actually buying into these untruths without an ounce of personal responsibility into their peddling.  It is not unusual nowadays to have to question absolutely every single thing we read. In fact, a whole election in this country was fought and run on the back of the most horrible lies. Shortly after the election was over we began to hear about how the winning side used lies and made up stories to win the election. We actually had those bragging about how their lies helped one candidate to victory over another through good old fashioned fabrication. We are currently sitting on the front lines watching as the lies told to win are now being walked back and the promises made to the voters are being broken.

Truth does matter and the results from all of this dishonesty is going to come back to bite every single person in this country. We simply cannot and should not believe those whom we have elected to office. The current state of dishonesty is on a scale which has never before historically been witnessed before. The fact, Speaker Ryan has the nerve to tell the American people that the President Elects lies are okay is not only frightening to us as Americans but also throughout the world as well. The world is looking at our country with a deflated sense of trust. How do you trust a leader who will lie for self gain, votes, vendettas, and for nothing more than just to hear himself speak or write? These are not the values this country is built upon.

How do you look a child in the eyes and tell them the President Elect is someone they need to admire and respect knowing that his word means very little? We are currently teaching a whole generation it is okay to lie and lying is an acceptable tool to use to get ahead in this country. It would seem to me there is some irreparable damage being done not only to the current state of things, but our future and the future of generations to come. We have to stop and remember that our children learn from our actions. You can tell your children and grandchildren that lying is wrong, but when they see you supporting a liar the message then falls onto deaf ears.

The lack of truth in this country is currently the biggest threat and detriment for all of us. For Speaker Ryan to state, for us as a country, to ignore the lies is a threat not only to each of our families but it also a severe and serious threat to our National Security and our standing within the world. This is truly a crisis of national and international importance. So what can you do? Well first, research before you post a story on social media. If the article quotes the Wall Street Journal then go to the Wall Street Journal and look for the quote. If it does not exist do not post it. It really is that simple. If you see a story which might seem outrageous research it and see if there is some type of reputable evidence to support it. If there is not then do not share it. Tell your children that it is not okay for our leaders to be lying. Tell them how disappointed you are in these lies. Understand the eyes of the children of this world are watching us and this is the test which will ultimately mold the adults they become in the future.

I saw a blatantly false new story someone shared the other night. In fact, they not only shared the ridiculous story but then they rubbed salt into the proverbial wound by praising God for the lie and praised the liar himself. Is this the type of message you want to give your children or grandchildren? It was one of those moments which I not only found disturbing but sad as well. One of those moments when I was sure if there is a God watching all of this happening right now he surely has to be crying. God is not the Father of Lies, at least not the God I was taught about from a very young age. The actual Father of Lies is something completely different from a loving God and when you stop to think about it, if religion tells us the Father of Lies is Satan then what should we be calling one of our leaders who rarely states the truth? Seems to me that has nothing to do with praising God at all. It is important to remember we need to be the solution we want to see to the problems in this world. So why would it ever be okay or acceptable to ignore or accept the lies of our leaders? Seems to me it is a serious question for these very serious times we are living within.

So Speaker Ryan it is not acceptable for this country to accept or ignore the lies based on the whims of the President Elect. We deserve honesty from our elected officials and that means we also deserve honesty from you as well. When you tell this country to ignore the lies you are telling this country to not only to ignore Donald Trump’s lies, but you are also telling us to turn the other way when you and your colleagues lie to us as well. That is not now or never will acceptable request to ask of us no matter what side of the aisle you are on. In fact, you will find the majority of Americans find it insulting.

Today We Remember

Today is World Aids Day. This is one of the most somber and reflective days of the year for those of us who are LBGTQ. It is hard not to think of all the people we lost through the years to this horrible scourge and plague.

It was not easy coming of age in the early years of the plague. There was a sense of anger at the world which would turn their heads away and those who used the disease as an excuse to further their agendas of hate against us. I can remember feeling as if some way I was not as valuable as my straight counterparts. I found myself being afraid to love and awfully guilty at those times when I did.  I can remember standing and watching in horror as my friends died one by one for nothing more than doing what was natural and what they were wired to do and be.

Working in the entertainment industry at the time it felt as if I was standing within the epicenter of death. There was this sense we had all been given a death sentence as we watched those close to us die one by one. It is hard to relive those memories. We witnessed the death of a whole generation of gay men from the front lines. I can remember hugging someone and feeling the heat radiating from their bodies and you just knew at that moment something horrible was brewing within them. I can remember looking at a very close friend and seeing the large purple mark they were trying to hide which was forming on their thigh. I understood what that mark meant because I had seen it many times before. I watched as a friend of mine wasted away in high school. A high school kid who at one moment who was healthy and happy. Very quickly that changed and I watched as they withered away to nothing and died.

It was hard not to feel some type of survivor’s guilt at the time. It was no different than feeling guilty for being the one to survive  some type of disaster. The guilt of survival and the nagging question of why you were surviving and they were not ate slowly away at your soul. I had a friend dying of Aids once tell me, “It is true that I am dying, but the person I feel the most sorry for is you. I don’t feel sorry for myself at all. But you, I feel sorry for you because your curse is going to be standing by and watching all of us die. You are the one cursed for outliving us all.” The honesty and the horror of the statement still haunts me and on this day it haunts me even more when I remember all of those young beautiful people who are no longer with us for doing nothing more than loving one another.

The other day, I had posted something about Aids on my social media. Like with anything on social media you are subjected to the thoughts of others even when they differ from your own. It is a heavy price at times to pay for participation and at times it is helps your own ideas grow. However, someone decided to post something which disgusted me completely. Once again it reminded me of the ignorance and discrimination which still, after all of these years, continues to revolve around HIV. They said, “Aids was not real. It was nothing more than a made up story to further a gay political agenda.” I was furious when I saw it because for something which was supposedly fabricated that fabrication took a whole lot of my friends way before their time. I found not only the ignorance of the statement unbelievable but it also struck me just how dangerous this thinking was. I have to tell you that it felt like an attack. It amazes me that still this type of thinking is out there. The idea that it is not real or just a gay thing. Dammit is not just a gay thing. HIV is one thing which has never discriminated. It is a mutually transmitted disease among all races and sexual preferences.

Can you imagine what it was like in those early years hearing every time you turned on the television and radio the one thing you could not control was a damnation from God? I use to think how was it possible for my God to damn me for being who I was and just wanting to find someone to love and to be loved in return? Day after day we were told by the world we were not worth the concern and this was nature’s way of eliminating our sinful souls. I can remember watching in horror as people in our government stated the most vile and hateful things about us. I would secretly hide in the bathroom searching for any sign of the plague getting ready to end my sinful existence because I just watched a new horrifying report on television depicting the dying. They would refuse to bury us when we died.   We would walk into our clubs and you would see the infected hiding in the dark corners because we were even afraid of those like us. To see them up close meant we had to deal with the reality that it could actually happen to each of us. Those were truly the nightmare days. Those days were riddled with fear and this feeling like any moment it all was going to fall apart on a very personal level.

This past week, I saw an article stating there might finally be a vaccine which would put the final nail in the HIV coffin. The memory of the final scene of the film, Longtime Companion, came to mind. The scene was a fantasy scene depicting a time when a cure was found and the characters basically were able to walk away hand in hand leaving the disease and death behind them. If the human actually worked that way. I would love to live to see the day where there is no more HIV in this world, but the horrors of it will always be part of our hearts and memories. Nothing will erase that sadness.  Until the cure finally happens, we must continue to march on to fight this together. No one can really explain why some  of us survived while others didn’t.  However,  the one thing which remains is we have a right and responsibility to those we lost. We must tell their stories and to continue this fight in their memory. Their strength and bravery is something which should never be lost or forgotten.

Today I remember them and I would hope you would do the same. I miss them and I loved them all.

Should There Be a Recount?

So do they recount or not? I think that is the question many are asking this morning. I believe they should and not for the reason you might think. I think for the sole purpose of securing the faith of the American people in our election process the recount is essential.

Now keep in mind, the Clinton campaign has not said a word on this at this point which would point to interest in a recount to be waning. However, there are serious questions about this election which should be addressed.

First, this morning it was reported that Clinton’s lead had actually exceeded the 2 million mark in the popular vote. This is clearly unprecedented in the history of our elections.

Second, we have to remember it was actually Donald Trump himself which brought the question of the possibility of voter fraud in our election before voting had even begun.

Third, there are the reports of hacking into some voting systems and the emails of the DNC which were believed to be Russian in origin.

Fourth, it seems strange that Donald Trump would win just exactly what he needed to win in just the exact regions of the country he needed by the same percentage points in each of these areas.

Fifth, there are clearly some numeric inconsistencies found by scholars who spend their entire careers studying nothing but this exact thing.

For the peace of mind for ALL of this country a recount is needed. It would be a painful process for everyone and in the end it would either prove to the American people our election process is sound and fair or we have some serious problems which need to be addressed. Either way this comes down to a question about the National Security of our country. It is actually a bigger question than questions about either of these candidates. There seems to be clear merit and need for a recount.

You can read more at:
The Guardian

Today is my Heart Birthday

Five years ago today I went through a life changing and prolonging open heart surgery. At the point when they did the surgery, I could feel the blood actually gurgle from the restriction as it flowed through my heart. I had prepared myself for the worst and was willing to accept the final outcome whatever it may be.

I had a total of five artery grafts in my heart. One of the minor grafts collapsed last year, but it was by and far the least important and does not hurt the overall health of the heart at all. However, the other four major grafts are extremely healthy and are working great. Five years later and I am in better health than I have been in for a very long time. I live a very active and full life. I consider today a birthday of sorts. In some very literal ways, I was reborn on this day back in 2011. 

If you are currently experiencing chest pains, shortness of breath, fatigue, swelling of feet and/or hands, nausea and more, this is your body telling you something is wrong and you need to get it checked out. For example, when I was first diagnosed I thought I had pneumonia. However, many times heart disease is a silent killer without much warning so a check up with a stress test is always a great idea. For women read about the warning signs because many times your symptoms will be very different from men.

The point is, there have been great advances in diet, medication, and surgery to deal with heart disease. It no longer needs to be the death sentence it once was considered. All it requires from you is to be proactive about your health. If you are having unexplained symptoms or just not feeling well overall get it checked out. For those without symptoms get your checkups, eat low fat and carb diets, quit smoking if you smoke, limit your alcohol consumption, and most importantly keep that heart pumping with exercise. Ride a bike, walk, or do what I do which is a combination of things. I row, walk, and ride a bike four days a week. It works. Currently, I see my cardiologist once every three months. I see him not because I am doing badly, but because my positive life changes and choices have caused the need to slowly reduce the amount of medication it takes to keep me living a healthy, happy life. That is the best reason to see the doctor. Trust me.

The Sell Out of the Frankenstein Generation

I was born in 1965, which is the final year of the Baby Boom Generation and on the cusp of the birth of Generation X. My generation has seen the largest amount of changes, advances, and yes, challenges of any generation before it. The year I was born saw the first American combat troops arrive in Vietnam. Dr. King and 2600 of his followers were arrested in Selma, Alabama for protesting against voter registration rules. The Watts riots exploded in Los Angeles, 34 dead, over 1,000 injured, nearly 4,000 arrested. Malcolm X, was shot to death at a Harlem rally in New York City. 1965 was not only a year of racial upheaval it was also the death and the fall of imaginary innocence, which was on the surface of the 1950’s in America.

Shortly after 1965, we would begin to see people tune in and drop out thanks to Timothy Leary and the oncoming hippie movement. Protests against the “conflict” in Vietnam began to rise. It was an interesting and frightening time in this country, but it was a time when people stood proudly to have their voices heard. My generation marched headfirst into Kent State, Woodstock, Haight-Ashbury, the Computer Age and much more. But something happened to us in the eighties, which I will never quite understand.

How did a generation who believed in love, protest and freedom turn into one of the largest driving forces behind the Reagan era? Everything we thought we were going to change in the world we gave over and sold out to the most selfish of ideas and purposes. In return, we were given the shameful, ugly tag of the “Me Generation.” Life for us went from fighting for others into the largest exercise in self-gratification and social masturbation this world has seen since the Roman Empire. Why should it surprise me now my generation would go even one step further by being one of the driving forces which helped to bring fascism to this country?

Make no mistake, the baby boomers stood by and voted for their eighties poster boy of greed and hate, Donald Trump. All you had to do was listen to one of his campaign speeches to hear him spout nothing more than a string of hate-driven messages sprinkled with every bad business saying from those tacky eagle and landscape pictures from Successories. “There’s no I in team” or “You climb a mountain one step at a time” or the now iconic and confusing, “Make America great again.” I thought we were already great.

It amazes me how some of the most horrible things of the last generation either surrounded or had something to do with the baby boomers at the helm. How can one generation of people turn so completely against the morality and values that they once held onto so firmly? In the end, this generation has become more conservative and politically destructive than any other of the previous generations before it. What is even more sickening it was all in the name of the self, without regard to the whole of humanity. Seems funny, because young adulthood for the baby boomer was all about fighting the system and the generation gap between us and them. It seems to me we should give it a new name because the Me Generation tag is way too nice for what they have done – something along the lines of Generation Sell-Out. Even The Frankenstein Generation would be a better descriptive tag. One of these two names would more precisely portray the puzzling loss of ideology and hope, which has now black-marked this generation’s place in history.

We started out loving each other and we ended up hating each other, those different from us, those we fear, and, most importantly, the majority hate themselves. Not easy to like yourself with this type of blood on your hands, they know where they participated. Do not let them fool you. It is way too late for the baby boomers to change and redeem themselves as a whole. This generation is going to have to be satisfied with those particular individuals who stand out and remain steadfast to the values the baby boomers once held onto so tightly and passionately. Boomers are coming to the end of their run on this planet and the door is slowly closing on us.

With the closing of one door another opens and we can only pray and hope it will be onto something better. A generation who will learn from the baby boomers mistakes and pave the way for something brighter and more stable. In consolation over the past week I have seen a small flame of hope from the Millennial Generation, which has already replaced the boomers in its size and very soon will be leading in its economic strength. I have seen them take to the streets, walk out of classes and stand next to those who are being targeted. It is with the youth of this country that I once again see a glimmer of hope for our future.

My hope is this love and activism in their hearts will grow. My hope is they will learn from the mistakes of the boomer generation and not be willing to take the same selfish, me motivated paths which were its obvious downfalls. There is, after all, hope for them and this world. Right now this might be the only thing we have to hope for, but for right now it just might be enough.

What Now?

It has been just over a week since the election. Seems like it was a lot longer. I know many of you, like myself, have given the reality of this situation time to fully set in and accept that it is indeed happening. We have all reacted in very human ways. We are grieving not the loss of the election, but we are collectively grieving the loss of hope for a better future for this country for everyone. The key word be everyone. Some of us have felt betrayed by those who would vote for an agenda which would so clearly harm and marginalize so many of us. We sit and wonder if there is actually a place left in the American dream for all of us, or will the highest offices in this country roll back all of the Civil Rights and Climate Change advances we have made in the last fifty years? Important to notice I included Climate Change, a problem that would not only affect all Americans, but also the world as a whole. Actions do speak louder than words and in just a little over one week, the monstrous message is starting to solidify and become crystal clear. So I find myself, like many of you, sitting here at my desk wondering what we do now.

First,what we need to discuss is those who voted for this backward-thinking and hateful group of elected and appointed officials. Many of you have expressed your feelings of betrayal and it is true, in a very real essence you have been betrayed. It is clear and essential that we show our despair and disappointment in those who have decided to turn against their neighbors and family with their vote. Of course they do not see it that way. In truth, many people will vote for completely uneducated reasons which are much more gut reactions than a decision based in actual truth. They will cast a vote for something they are fundamentally against, simply as a protest against the other candidate. They will also vote for just one issue only. This makes it very easy for politicians to sell a load of goods to the people, which is actually against not only their moral foundations but also many against their own belief structures.

Most importantly, and I believe most likely, they vote out of fear. That is why we have seen, throughout history, horrible monsters come to power by playing into the fear of the masses. Fear sells and people will go to great lengths in order to include ideologies which would actually harm them in the name of being afraid. It is all in the name of fear. Fear is a stronger emotion, by far, than love. Fear triggers the switch in each us for personal survival. Let’s not forget the Americans lining up to give away certain privacies and rights in the wake of 9/11. We now know the Weapons of Mass Destruction were devised to convince all of us it was essential we go to war in Iraq. It was playing to our fears and the American people bought into it hook, line and sinker. It seems we would have learned from that lesson, but it is very hard to fight against the falsehoods, bogus news stories, and promises which were created for the sole purpose of feeding defeat.

The majority of American’s who voted for this horrible ideology did so because they were afraid. That is why, when you try to tell them their vote was against you, they get so upset. In their minds they did not vote against you at all. It was much more personal than that. They voted against their own fear. Sure, there are those in groups who jumped to the call, but you need to understand even though the KKK and Alt Right are based solidly in hate, the overwhelming reason they exist is fear. History tells us, the most dangerous among us have been motivated by nothing more than fear. So it is imperative that we stop crucifying our fellow Americans for their human reaction to their own fear and we begin to understand why they did what they did, even if they don’t.

We must first, understand they believe fully in the untruths they are being told. Their social media feeds and news feeds are being geared to control them through fear and to paint those of us who actively protest it as the boogeyman. A great example of this is a news story which was being circulated this week. It described several men as Anti-Trump agitators, setting a car on fire. The story was completely untrue, as a matter of fact, the picture was from 2012 and not even from this country. But I can promise you when the Trump voters see this they believe it completely. In a sense, it also feeds into their fears even though the real truth is that the majority of protests are peaceful. The ones, in reality, who are being harmed at the moment, are those suffering from an unprecedented rise in hate crimes since the election. For these people to understand they were part of and endorsed such hate would mean they would have to turn the mirror onto themselves. It took years for Germany to grasp the horrors done in their name by the Third Reich. Most will tell you, they had no idea about the horrors which were happening in the concentration camps right under their noses and it was essential to show them these horrors in order for them to accept and believe it.

I am not by any means telling you to be quiet for one moment. The best way to deal with this is not to condemn but to educate. Once again, fill your social media feeds with truth. Show the pictures and the stories about our minorities being harmed and threatened. Fill your news feeds with true stories about what is happening out there. Do not engage the Trump voter. They are not ready for you to discuss the truth with them at this moment. In much the same way we feel betrayed, they are feeling the need to justify their actions. For most of these voters, they do not believe they voted for a hate agenda. History will show the truth as long as we continue to in return offer the availability of that truth without engagement. Ignore their taunts. If you are met with violence there are still laws in this country against hate crimes. It is imperative that you get loud and demand justice if you are a victim of a hate crime. The message of the unacceptability of hate is very important. We can fight them but we need to be smarter than they are in this fight. So yes, go to social media and share the truth, but do not engage. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done.

Get into the streets and continue to protest. The various marches on Washington in January are very important. We need the largest numbers of people possible to gather in order to send a clear message that we are not going to sit down and take this quietly. It is also a very important message we need to send to the other nations of world who at this moment are scratching their heads. In the words of a German family to their son here in the States, “America has fallen. Get out.” The only way we can counter this world attitude is to show them that the majority of Americans do not subscribe to this monstrous Administration and their actions.

Keep in mind, they are not speaking for the majority of Americans and they know it is something we can use against them. The reason your news feeds are being filled with false stories about Trump winning the popular vote is a well thought-out battle against us, using the majority argument. He clearly did not win the popular vote, but once again you need to remember his followers believe the falsehoods completely and totally. This fight is not going to be without sacrifice. They will call our peaceful protests riots. They are going to try to paint us out as non-voters who only participate in violence. The goal is to continue to paint us out as the boogeyman at the door in order to control, not only us, but those who already voted for him. It is a continued fear-inducing technique using US as the thing to fear.

Understand the media is not our friend. They are completely in on this. During the election our media had people on their payrolls who were actually being paid by the Trump campaign. There was no such thing as fair reporting and you need to understand this. This was a coup carried out with lies and fear. So be prepared when they continue to come at us, it is for the sole purpose to silence us and in return induce fear within us. Do not let them get away with it. Understand that protests do not and should not end in January. Protesting is now a way of life for all of us and should continue because this fight as just begun.

The next thing you should expect is some sort of attack being orchestrated by those in power to further their agenda and continue the demonization of those who are opposing them. History does repeat itself. Hitler was a master at the technique of fear mongering in order to control the German people. Also, outside terrorists might also use this time to further their agendas by an attack. But if something along these lines happens you must not let it silence your voices. Understand this is just one of the weapons that is going to be used against us. So stay present and in the world, protesting.

The battle is not only being fought in the streets. We need to prepare to fight it legally in order to protect our rights as well as the Constitution. They are going to try to peddle the idea that this country was built upon Christianity. Of course that is not true, but all you have to do is see the things they are attempting to do in the name of God to understand this is clearly a weapon they plan on using. The Constitution is our protective device and it is going to become essential that we fund those legal and activist organizations who are going to fight this battle. Donate, if you are able, to the ACLU and the Human Rights Campaign Fund. These two organizations will be on the legal front lines and they need our support in order to protect the Constitution and our rights. Come on people – we have done this before! We know this battle plan inside and out. Find out what organizations are currently lobbying and leading the legal fight for minority rights in your state. Here in the Missouri, one good suggestion would be to support PROMO.

Make a personal assessment of what you can personally do and offer to the fight ahead. I will give you a personal example, I am a trained speaker and traveled this country for years speaking to large and small crowds, inspiring and teaching. I am going to turn my lecture skills into a skill for activism. I am also a respected author. I going to make sure everything I write from now on points into a direction of understanding and inclusion. Entertainment is a very powerful tool to use within activism. Much of the LGBTQ and other minority advances were made through the arts. It is important that we understand whatever our strengths are individually and offer them up in order to fight further oppression. Whatever your personal assessment is, you will be welcomed and there is room for your talents to participate and make a difference.

There are those of us who are the most vulnerable. There has been a large amount of hate rhetoric directed toward the elderly and the disabled. They are going to need us to help them through the rough times ahead and the trials we are all facing. Did you know 38% of the homeless teens in America are LGBTQ and over half of them have been abused? There are numerous organizations out there like Covenant House and your local LGBTQ centers which are currently on the front lines of this battle and need your support. These are kids who have been rejected and discarded by those who should have protected and loved them but they were cast aside for nothing more than being different. These numbers are going to rise within all minorities and the crimes against them will continue to rise because there are those in this country who feel they have been given the right through this election to show the worst behavior possible. Right now, there are minority children out there in schools who are being terrorized by their peers. We must do everything we can do in order to protect our youth, the elderly, and the sick within the current climate in this country. Their attitude is, if they are sick, let them die. If they are hungry, let them starve. If they are different, control them or simply just make them disappear. Make no mistake – this is what we are fighting against. The lost, sick, different and helpless are going to need us even more now than ever.

I wish I could tell you everything was going to be okay. Unfortunately, I cannot do that at this time because we simply do not know how far this going to go. However, I can offer you some solace in understanding we have been fighting these exact battles for years. This war is from over. We have the ability and the knowledge on how to fight these things. Fighting is exactly what we are going to do. We will refuse to let them marginalize or normalize us for their will. We are much stronger than they are because they have given us this incredible strength through their hate. If you combine the numbers of all minorities in the country you find we are actually the majority. There extreme power in the majority voice of the people.

The best way to handle things is to understand who the enemy is, how they think, how to change them, and yes of course, how to defeat them. We need to be ready to bring them into our fold when they begin to understand they have been sold a load of false goods. There are those we are fighting at the moment who will turn to us, in the end, to join us. We need to be willing to accept them when that happens. At this moment in history they do not understand how their current decision is going to adversely affect their world. We must be the bigger people and accept them when the impact of their actions becomes clear to them. Then, of course, there are going to be those who will never wake from their fear-induced fantasies. For those, they will always be lost.


A Cold Monday Morning of Thoughts

This is what is on my mind on this cold Monday Morning.

I was thinking about marriage equality this morning. I do understand the legal importance of everyone having the right to marry. I get that completely. I remember the excitement and the joy I felt the day we all were given that particular right. I am sure you felt very much the same way. However, as time passes I have begun to question not only the importance of that decision, but also what might have been the intent behind it. In some ways, I have to sit here and laugh for the pure conspiracy theory sound of that statement. First, let me say I am completely for our right to marry who we choose. There is no question about that portion of this. I have also been extremely proud every single time I have been honored to celebrate the marriage between two of my friends.

However, with the passing of time I have found myself questioning if maybe marriage equality is a pacifier of sorts for a much larger problem. What is that problem? The normalization of the gay community to not only conform into the heterosexual world, but an attempt to take away what makes us unique. It really, up to this point, has seemed to, unintentionally or intentionally, quiet the activism surrounding what it is to be gay. Acceptance is not something which is making those who are different from you to become more like you. This is not accepting those differences between us, in essence, it is actually an attempt to erase those differences.

There is nothing wrong with being different from the person standing next to you. It is what has always made this country great. The great big melting pot experiment is one which should celebrate our differences and not one which takes those differences and normalize them to fit in with what might be considered a majority norm. Over the past years, I have seen all of the different aspects which made our movement great begin to dwindle. We are seeing the death of the traditional bars which have always been our gathering places and now we spend our nights within these places celebrating alongside of Bachelorette parties who think it is cool to get drunk with the queer community. We do not say much and in a way you can almost feel the collective relief that we are getting to participate in the tribal practices of heterosexuality. I cannot help but feeling, we are playing into their hand somehow and  we are suppose to now somehow be like them. I know personally it has left me scratching my head and, more often than not, wondering where we are headed. It also leaves me wondering if we have sold out our culture in order to conform. This is just one example. There are many.

If you can find a silver lining anywhere in the current political climate, it should be the wake up call which we have all been given. The wake up call is, we are actually not like them at all and they clearly have not either accepted us or they accept us for the most part as long as we conform to their idea what our culture and lives are all about. I for one am not ready to either become complacent and I sure in the hell do not want to conform to the heterosexual world which may work for them, but it clearly does not work for me or us. I am not sure where this leaves us in the scheme of things, but I do know the last thing we need to is to normalize.

Yesterday, I participated in a march in downtown St. Louis which some would tell you was a referendum against Donald Trump. Well, in some ways that might be true, but I tend to think it was a much broader and far reaching message than just an election. In my opinion, it was a gathering of all types of people to celebrate and stand up for our differences. It was a message that our differences and our togetherness in those differences is what makes us great. I am happy as hell we can marry, but what I am not happy about is that it now feels as if it was something given in order to silence our voices and kill the passion of who we culturally are.

This is most likely one of the most controversial things you will ever read me write, but it is the thought which has been haunting to me for quite some time now. I do not think those who came before us, were fighting for us to conform and disappear. The reason I believe they were fighting and I was fighting, was to be accepted for our differences, the acceptance of our culture. This did not mean the death of it by giving over to normalization. In order to normalize would suggest there was something wrong with who we were to begin with. There is nothing clearly wrong with us, we are just different. It seems to me this has been a well overdue wake up call which we currently have been given here. The result is the reawakening of our demand of the acceptance of our culture without the permission to erase our differences in return.

Marching down the street, I took a moment to look beside me and in front of me. First of all, protesting is the most American thing you can do. This country was built on people standing up and letting their voices be heard. The overwhelming thing which struck me is I was marching with my fellow LGBT, Muslim, Black, Latino, families, young people children, friends, neighbors and yes even strangers. All walks of life were represented and we were marching in a common cause which was a common voice. It seems to me that unified voice said, “You will celebrate our differences without marginalizing us, hating us, and we are going to make you accept us for our differences without diminishing them. We refuse to be normalized or erased.” Yes, it was clear to me this was a wake up call for all communities and minorities. It is not just a gay issue, but a human issue. I have never in that moment felt so connected with a group of people and I have never felt more proud to be an American. A true Patriot in a sense.

So yes, things are changing. Yes, there years ahead of us which could be challenging. But the most important thing we need to do is to understand this wake up call for what it is. We can survive this because we have done it before. Actions speak louder than words, and it is becoming crystal clear that a storm is brewing against those who are different in this country. We can weather this storm, but it also means we are going to have to stick together while embracing our differences in the process. We gathered together yesterday in our differences to celebrate them and also to send a clear message in one unified voice we are not going to go quietly away and we are not going to conform. I am a proud American Gay Man, there are a lot of people who fought for my right to say those words. Who I am, is not going to melt away and I refuse to be silent.

That is what has been running through my mind on this cold Monday morning. Pretty heavy stuff, isn’t?  I celebrate and accept each of you. All I ask in return from you is to be celebrated and accepted for my differences without being normalized. You cannot, and we will not, let you erase the rich history which is part of the fabric of not only gay history, but the history of this country as a whole. In return, I vow to do the same for you. Pretty simple, isn’t? We need to stop allowing leaders in this country to divide us and use us for political means and agendas. That is really what should make you angry. It is not the person sitting next to you who is your enemy. The enemy is the people who would like to use ALL of our differences against us.

So I sit here thinking, but thinking is not enough. It is going to take us going into the streets together to let our voices be heard. It is going to take us sharing our individual thoughts and feelings. It is going to take us accepting the person next to us and loving them for being different without trying to make them more like us. If we lose this fight, we will take our lives either back fifty years or we will head into a frightening future where everyone is required to be the same. George Orwell’s, 1984 comes to mind at the moment. Big Brother would like nothing more to strip our individuality away from us in order to make it easier to control us. Let’s get vocal and fight to make sure this does not happen. Truly, that is the most American thing we can do in the face of this oncoming storm.


To Pin or Not Pin, Now that is a Question

On these safety pins I have something, actually a lot, to say. Just because you wear something does not mean you actually do something to help the cause or you are somehow safe or more trustworthy. A stranger is a still a stranger and a pin can be worn by anyone. These are without a doubt dangerous times we live in. Maybe I am more of a realist when it comes to things like this. I will not trust the pin-wearing person who is standing next to me any more than I would one who is not. Remember Matthew Shepard’s attackers had convinced him they were gay and allies of his as well before they murdered him. If there has been anything this world has taught me as a gay man is, there is very little you can bank on in the trust department. Not sure any pin or ribbon is ever going to take away that distrust and maybe it is just because my generation has been through way too much to trust anyone. I do not think I am alone.

There are many activists who believe the idea of these symbols may actually confuse and hurt the cause rather than helping it. All of us who lived during the scourge years of AIDS, remember standing by to watch the red ribbon go from a symbol of help into the “in” thing to wear. While people on the award shows were sporting their sequined red ribbons for fashion, we were the ones out here fighting to feed and get the right medications for our dying.  Sure these symbols are showing solidarity and raising awareness for whatever cause, but far too many people stop with just the symbol. These symbols then become just a status or it is the cool thing to wear.

Right now I am mad as hell. The last thing that is going to calm me down is seeing a safety pin because it is not going to make me feel any comfort or feel any sense of security. I am part of a community and minority where we have just had our friends, neighbors, and even family members vote for an agenda which will harm us. Hard to feel loved and safe while looking at a safety pin, when you just have been punched in the gut by people who thought had your back.  Sorry, but it is not cutting through the pain, fear and hurt. But protest and voicing our feelings does-and that is something which is productive. I attended a protest in Florida last June with Stuart Milk during the sad days following the Pulse shooting where he said to the protesters,  “Silence still equals death. Harvey would tell us to get loud.” Let’s get loud.Your voice and your dollars are the best and most effective way to help. 

Don’t get me wrong. It is okay to wear a safety pin if it makes you feel better, but please understand even your enemies have access to pins and can wear one as well. Also it is important when you see someone wearing a pin to ask them what they are doing to help. Encourage them to make a donation to the ACLU or the Human Rights Campaign. These are the organizations which are going to be on the front lines to fight discrimination. If they cannot afford to donate then encourage them to take part in protest. Encourage them to be vocal on social media. It is important that we all understand this fight is going to take more than just wearing a pin. We have no time to waste. This fight needs to be fought-starting now. So wear your pins with pride if you need to, but understand the next step is to roll up your sleeves, to get loud and get ready for what could be the long fight ahead.

Donate to the Human Rights Campaign

Donate to the ACLU

For All of My Gay Friends and Family

This is for all of my gay friends and family.

I know you have seen a lot of hate being thrown our way over the past few days. I also know it has some of us worried and sad that there are some who feel they can use the result of this election to act out in horrific ways. I agree with all of you, but I think we need to put this into some type of real perspective and stop to remember who we are and the power we all have together – for the sake of all people who may feel the same way we are feeling.

First, we are stronger together than we have been in any time in history. We have tremendous economic power, which we have always been able to use in our favor. We have the right to boycott any business that we feel supports an agenda of any type of hate. We can continue to harness our economic power, not only to continue to further change, but also to make sure that change is not rolled back to a darker time.

Second, we have a tremendous amount of legal power at our disposal, which we can use to protect our right to live freely, openly and without persecution.

Third, a Trump presidency cannot and will not dissolve your marriages. This is just not going to happen. Did you realize that even a Republican Supreme Court would not overturn a ruling from a previous court? It just will not happen, especially a law of the land that is supported by most Americans. A few people are not going to change that. What evidence do we have? Rowe v. Wade could have been overturned many times by conservative courts which would have been against it and it has just not happened. There is no reason to believe, at this time, it would even be a possibility.

However, you are going to have plenty of notice if it appears to be headed that way. A President Trump cannot just step into office and make it all go away on day one. If he did, the economic harm he could bring down upon this country and the civil unrest it would cause is nothing any sitting President would dare to even begin to consider.

Now I am not going to tell you everything is rosy on the horizon because there will be some roll- back of certain things under a Republican-run government.  But, at this point, to completely roll back 50 years of advancement is just not possible in a four-year term. I would suggest we do not patronize any business that would line the pockets of Trump or anyone who does business with him. That would be a good start and would send a clear message. We are not the people you would want to pick a fight with.

So, what I am saying is to calm down. There are laws that at this point still protect us. If you feel someone has committed a hate crime against you or is treating you unfairly there are numerous resources where you can find the help you need and I suggest you do it. Stand up for yourselves. Continue to fight the fight so many before us have fought.

Listen, we have lived through Stonewall, AIDS, AIDS discrimination, Anita Bryant and the fight for marriage equality. We will now live through and succeed once again with the new challenges facing us. We can do this but it is going to mean all of us need to be vigilant and ready to speak out. Do not let hate scare you into submission and silence. That is what they want. If you do that, then, and only then, will all be lost. Remember the words that we all have heard over and over again, “Silence = Death.” That was true when it was first spoken and it still stands as truth today. Chin up.

We are all in this together and together we will win any battle that could be facing us. We also must use our resources to stand up and fight for any race, idea, or creed that might be targeted by hate. We cannot only help ourselves, but we can, and need to, help them as well. We must not just focus on just our fight but we must focus on protecting and promoting the rights of all. I love you all. We can do this.

We need to put a spotlight on any hate that is happening within our country. It is imperative that each of you post, in your social media, any pictures, video and stories of those being hurt by hate. Social media is a very powerful tool and you cannot rely on the regular media to cover these things. Most of straight white America will not see these things unless we show them. Fill your social media feeds with the images of hate that you come across. Show it and then talk about how horrible it is and how we are not going regard it as normal, sane, or even remotely acceptable.

Most importantly, live your lives in the open without fear. Walk down the street holding hands. Kiss your loved one without fear. Live your life in the open because the more they see us living normally, the less we will frighten them with our differences.

And lastly, do not get disenfranchised by our election process. We have a very important mid-term election coming up in two years. We need to gear up and roll up our sleeves to fight for our candidates. Then, we also have the most important election coming up in four years to wipe the hate once again from our government. It is going to take all of us and then some. We can do this, but like all of those who paved the civil rights paths before us we are going to have to work very hard to make it happen.

It is okay to take time to grieve over this past election. But make sure you understand that all is not gloom and doom. Make sure you understand that we can and will survive this. Talk to each other. Be there for each other. Calm each other when we need it. But most importantly do not lose the focus on what we are fighting for and what we are fighting against.

Feel free to share this with everyone you know.


When I see the word blog it has always scared me a little. You see the word, BLOG whereas I see the word, BLOB or BLAH. It is not because I do not like the idea of blogging and the sharing of ideas. If that were the case, I would not be an author at all. It is the idea of the commitment a blog requires and takes to maintain. The idea of having enough content and will I have enough to say or share with you. Quite frankly that scares the living hell out of me.

All of my social media friends I know at this moment will be taking a huge sigh of relief because now they will not have to read paragraphs upon paragraphs from me on everything from politics, gay rights, the supernatural, and anything else which might strike me at any given moment. They say I do not understand the idea of acceptable social media lengths of posting. Twitter limits the amount of words precisely due to long winded writers like myself. Facebook and TUMBLR on the other hand have not been as wise and it shows at times when I really get on a roll. Well it actually shows a lot. A day does not go by where I start something with one sentence and it turns into a hundred. I always find myself saying during these daily infractions, “Just one more thought to share before I am done.”

Even through my fear of blog commitment is very real and does exist, the time has finally come for me to take the blogging plunge. So here it is, THE BLOG.  You are not always going to agree with what I say here, but I always promise to share the truth about my thoughts and what I might be feeling from this moment to the next. In some ways, I feel like I just might be participating in the recording of history. Surely it is the bloggers in this world who are now the ones documenting the thoughts, events, and actions of the times.

So yes I am ready to take the blog plunge. Here we go. I hope you enjoy it.