Expat Internet: The Downside

I have decided not to participate anymore in any of the Expat boards online. I have not found one of these boards to be truly helpful over the past year during our transition to Mexico. In some cases, I have even found them to be full of false misinformation and whiney people asking stupid questions they could find the answers for if they would just do a little research of their own. I swear expat should mean you do not know how to freaking Google.

Most of these Expat boards are full of people who do nothing more than to wait for someone to say something to argue about. I actually had someone argue with me once about Home Depot having subway tile or not. Another time I had someone wanting to argue with me about how much our electric bill should be. Seriously, like most everything on the internet these Expat boards are negative in so many ways and feed on bad energy. Here in Mexico I see people behaving horribly and then turn around acting like they are some type of spiritual guru and let me tell you the love and light from these types runs very freaking thin. Here is some advice for anyone moving to another country.

1. Do not join an Expat board.
2. Learn to Google and do your own research.
3. Get out of your Expat area and actually see what is available in your city.
4. If you want to know where pickles and peanut butter are sold in your area get your ass to the local store and figure it out.

Seriously, you would think after moving to another country Expats would be more independent and self sufficient. Trust me when I tell you this is not the case at all. If anything they become more dependent and behave much like spoiled children.

The best advice is to find the information sites. The Two Expats board for here in Quintana Roo is a great help and Everything Playa Del Carmen is as well. These are not chat boards or groups. These are information sites and are very good at what they do and will give you useful, truthful information. You can find these type of sites by just googling your location. If you find a site and it shows conversing among members then find another one. You want information not conversation. Anytime you put something up for discussion it never ends well. Hope this helps.

Enough said.

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No Hope is Coming

I seriously believe the United States as we once knew it is dead. The United States which our grandfathers fought to preserve is gone. It has been replaced with the catering to the wealthiest individuals with no sense of right or wrong. They are doing the most horrific things in the name of religion.

I kept waiting for some type of glimmer of hope. I do not think hope is coming. I think it is long way past hope. So those of you who support healthcare being taken away from millions, those who support discrimination in all types as a means of policy, those of you who are incapable of caring for your fellow brother, those of you who live your life scared someone else is going to benefit in some way that you would hurt others who are truly the least fortunate of us, those of you supporting an immigration policy which hurts children and damages families, those of you who would believe lies over truth, and those of you who feed into the ego of a very mentally ill wannabe dictator, YOU are the ones who have blood on your hands.

The United States was headed in the right direction but those of you threw it away because deep down you resented the fact the the right President for this country was a black President. Shame on you for your racial bias and stupidity. This is not about votes or party. This it is about morality.

I cannot support the immoral way the US is going at the moment and I really do not see it changing any time soon. I hate the way it has made me question friends and family who would support hateful agendas. An agenda by the way which is against my right to marry and to be treated equally not only as a married couple but as a full fledge person. That is not too much to ask and I have to be honest and say those who support the hateful agenda and the people who perpetuate it has left many of us feeling betrayed.

I am angry at a whole lot of you because I thought many of you knew better or should I say I thought I knew you better. I have decided in the end to focus on my new home and my new community because say what you will haters about Mexico it is a much safer and saner place to live than the United States. In the end that is the truth of it all. Buenas Noches to the great ideas of the great Lady Liberty. May she rest in peace. Hasta luego to our new life in Playa Del Carmen Mexico. 

 

Dear Young Gay Men

Dear Young Gay Men,

Believe it or not, there those of us over 50 who look at and view you with great pride. Why? Because we know what we marched for, struggled for, were beaten down for and for those we watched die, are the ones who paved the way for the open life you currently get to live. We fought very hard to get to this point in our gay history and you are a proud product of that battle. We are very proud of you.

You know, I can remember going to my first gay bar in 1985. It was a small bar in Cape Girardeau, MO. My first night in a gay bar they had to lock and barricade the front door of the bar because it was being surrounded by angry, straight, redneck, white men who did not want a gay bar in their town and were willing to take whatever steps necessary to make sure it would go away. Southern Missouri is Klan country and it was an eye opening experience and lesson on what it meant to be gay in middle Missouri.

I can remember the heart sinking feeling I felt when I saw the first spot of KS on the leg of a friend and knowing exactly what that meant. I can remember my other friend squeezing my arm and whispering, “Oh my God. He is sick.” In those days, you kept your status as quiet as possible until it was no longer possible to keep it quiet. I was one of the lucky ones who remained and still is negative, but many of my close friends were not that lucky. We saw a whole generation of our friends die because they did have the ability to become undetectable or Prep to help prevent it in the first damn place. You got it and you died. It was that simple. You know, it got to a point where I could hug someone and instantly know if they were sick. There was this heat which would emanate from their bodies. It was also a very sad thing to look into the eyes of someone you knew and knowing they would not be around for long. I learned a lot about bravery and grace in the face of death from my dying friends. Their faces and stories stick with me still today.

The things you would witness and the stories you would hear were truly terrifying. Have you ever driven past a house spray painted with the words, “AIDS FAG DIE,” well I have and within that house was someone very sick and dying. I can remember someone getting hit by a car in front one of the bars and no one wanting to touch the dying boy because of the blood. All gays were considered untouchable just in case you might have it whether you did or not. You were sick until proven otherwise. We even heard stories about hospital workers who would avoid patients completely who were dying. Many times friends would be caring for them under the direction of those who refused. We heard stories of families who could not find funeral homes to handle the remains of their loved ones. Bodies were buried sometimes in secret locations or worse. Many of the times the families did not want to have anything to do with their dead child in much the same way they did when they were alive. Sometimes the only people we could trust or cling to during this time was each other and we did the best we could for those who needed us.

I can remember hearing daily on the nightly news how we were the scourge of the earth and we were dying  because that is what we deserve. We were told daily it was God’s revenge we were dying in mass. God was killing us. Most of you would have no clue who Anita Bryant is or even Jerry Falwell, but for us those names signify the worst forms of hate. Those early years were the worst. Everywhere we turned we were being called deviant, evil, cursed, and unnatural.

Of course, we battled much more than just the plague. The idea we would somehow be able to marry was a dream which none of us saw being a reality. Most of the time a partner could not even be in the room with his dying partner if the family wished to keep him out. May surviving partners had to deal with being less than in the life of their most important relationship. Insurance did not recognize the partnership and you could forget collecting death benefits which left many surviving partners, grieving, alone, and struggling.

The idea of seeing a gay couple in a television commercial was out of the question. Gay film in the most innocent form was considered scandalous and controversial. There were very few out gay celebrities. Most of the times we heard about them being gay after their death from AIDS. We had very little gay examples. But we had our Judy, Liza, Bette, Madonna, and Cher. They are the ones who helped them escape the madness of our reality.

We were not able to have children and if you did have children you had better not let anyone know you were gay because those children would be taken away without question or consideration. So many of us raised our children by ourselves and in silence. We were not able raise our children as out gay men and that means adoption was also out of the question. Those of us who did raise children where the true pioneers. We fought numerous battles to raise our children and we lived in constant fear of them being taken away from us. This means many of us had hidden relationships or simply none at all.

I came out at 29 and now I am 54. I remember those dark days clearly. Then I see you with your partners holding hands, getting married, or playing with your children in the open together and I feel pride because we have come a long way. Bu, sadly the fight is far from over. We have to continue to fight to preserve what we have gained. We have to continue fight for what we still need to achieve. It is not going to be easy. The point here is, you younger guys need to stop and remember what we came through to get here.You cannot take anything for granted because there are forces who would rip it away in a second if they could. Trust me they are trying to do just that.

Now you may say, it is just another Old Queen bitching at us, but honestly that is not the case at all. I am telling you this because it is becoming more apparent that your time to fight could be just ahead when you look at the state of the world and where it is headed. I am afraid for your future and it seems that this struggle is going to continue and you are going to need to fight. The time for our equal marriage celebration could very well be over.

You cannot be silent. You cannot run away and hide. You are going to need to take to the streets and believe me when I tell that can be a very scary place to be. But you would understand this if you had marched or attended a Pride Parade in some of those early years. During those years, Pride was shown on the news as a horror and not something which should or could be celebrated. That is okay because you have us. We will stand beside you and if you will listen, we will help to show you the way. We have been here before. We know how it all works. Activism is a long road and it is tiring road, but it is required of each and every single one of us. It is your ticket to the show. It is the price we must pay as gay men.

So don’t roll your eyes at the older person who might say hello or try to discuss things with you because the truth is if it were not for them your life would be very, very different today. Oh, and by the way, not all of us want to date younger guys. Most of us are way over the drama and chaos which comes with the younger crowd. Seriously, we do not want to have to explain the beauty of Chaka Kahn and Sylvester over and over again. If you do not know how Sylvester makes you feel then chances are you are wrong for one of us. We like our men mighty real.

The point is, we older gay men are settled in who we are and our relationships. We can be your friend. In fact, would be happy to call your friend. BUT, don’t assume we want more from you than friendship because in most cases we really don’t. We have had enough to deal with in life not to have to deal with your daddy issues. Oh, and by the way, take a good hard look at us because this is exactly how you are going to look in 30 or more years. That is right. Like it or not you are going to age too. So show us some fucking respect. Besides, most of us bitchy old queens could run circles around your muscle bound asses in the gym because at this age we have learned the importance of cardio. Why do you think we are still alive?

Take care of yourselves and understand we are all in this together. We are here for you if you need us and always remember silence does equal death. Never forget those who came before.

 

See the Truth

Let me tell you a little story.

One upon a time I bought a house. I loved this house. A week after moving into the house three people were beheaded around the block from it. Two weeks after moving into this house someone broke in while I was asleep in the upstairs bedroom. I eventually sold the house and moved. The next house was even nicer and more wonderful. Down the street from the new house a woman was car jacked. They shot her in the head and left her for dead in the street while stealing the car with her baby still in the backseat. A bar a street over from this house was riddled with bullets from automatic gunfire. A man was on his way to the bank when he was shot in the head in full daylight. So much violence happened in these places. The violence was a daily occurrence. You were constantly worried about your safety and the safety of your family. Where was this city you ask? None other than St. Louis, Missouri in the United States of America.

I have never had to worry for my safety while living here in Mexico. I have always felt safe here and never threatened. Not in the same way I had to worry daily living in St. Louis and I lived in a very affluent neighborhood there. It is not like we were living in a ghetto. We were always hearing gunfire in St. Louis and we were always quite aware of the people getting hurt there in very large numbers. Car jacking, robberies, murder and all sorts of crime were daily problems.There were times when 10-20 would be shot in just one weekend in St. Louis. This was not unusual.

My point is this, there is no crisis at the border people and Mexico is not sending violent people over the border. The violent people in the United States are the citizens which already live in the US cities. It has nothing to do with immigration legal or not. The most violent deaths in the United States last year happened at the hands of far right white extremists who are US citizens. That is the truth of it. Worried about gangs? The gangs run wild in the streets of US cities and they are homegrown gangs not immigrants. That is a fact. The mass shootings in schools in the US are white boys with guns. This is a fact. The meth capital of the United States is the great state of Missouri. Missouri supplies a large amount of the meth to the country. Most drugs actually are not coming from South America. They are coming from Asia and are being brought across the border through Canada. That is also fact.

So stop and understand the United States problems have very little to do with other countries. The biggest enemy to the US is the United States and its citizens itself. So when you hear this racist rhetoric coming from people like Donald Trump ask yourself why they are lying to you and what do they have to gain by doing so? Fear is control people. Your fear is what they use to control you. The boogeyman is not coming from somewhere else. The boogeyman is those telling you to beware. Time to put the blame where it really belongs and it is not some other country or people wanting to come to the US because for some reason they think their lives will be better. The problems are happening inside the US and have very little to do with anyone outside its borders.

No Spiritual Uniform or Age Required.

Just because I do not have a man bun and I wear polo shirts does not mean I am not and cannot be spiritual in nature and practice. I have seen and experienced things of a more spiritual nature than most posing Bhagwan wannabe’s have seen in their lives and are likely to ever see. I am still on my journey and it is always exciting and you never know where it will take you.

There is a portion of the Millennial generation who believe they have a corner market on spirituality and spiritualism. You are not spiritual because it is the “IN” thing to do. Spirituality has nothing to with the clothes your wear or your hairstyle. Spirit calls to you from your inside and has very little to do with what is on the outside. You have a spiritual calling.

I am blessed to know many “real” spiritual people who I consider true friends. You know who you are because I only am friends with people I admire and respect. If you are a spiritual friend you are one because I believe in you.

The downside is I have also noticed there are a whole lot of spiritual posers out there right now in the world. Do not be fooled by those pretending to be something they are not or incapable of being. In the spiritual world you will see this in many forms. Look for those who are genuine. You will find them. They are there. The key is to for you to be as genuinely spiritual on the inside as you can be in your own life and others like you will attract. There is no spiritual uniform or age required.

Mission Life

What is the real danger of getting involved in the paranormal too deeply? Recently I saw a facebook post along this line. There were a whole lot of answers spanning everything from demons to people. The conversation went back and forth from one topic to the next and it struck me that not one person mentioned what would be the most dangerous aspect of someones participation.
 
What is that danger you may ask? Well we all are going to die. So in reality we will all have the answers about death and dying in the end. The danger in spending your every waking free moment thinking about the dead and dying is that you become dead within yourself as well. If you dispense all of your energy dealing the dead you will forget about living. I promise you this.
 
Why would someone spend so much time and energy focusing on the answers held onto by the dead? Everyone single one of us will get those answers eventually. What you should be doing here is living and learning how to get the most out of living.
 
This is exactly what I have been doing for almost two years now and the focus keeps redefining and I have found there are some great spiritual things about living. The living spirit is an amazing thing and I have found the more I have focused upon it not only the more spiritually open I am becoming but I am learning there are some very powerful lessons within the living spirit. These lessons are not ones anyone is going to learn focusing on the dead.
 
Live and enjoy life. Focus on your mind and spiritual connection with the world around you. That is your true life mission. Live and enjoy the present. If you believe in the laws of attraction you will understand that if you focus on the dead you will draw nothing but dead energy into your life. If you focus on the living you will draw in powerful living and spiritual energy. If you want a life changing experience learn to get everything out of the moments of living. It will change you life I promise. It has changed mine. I no longer have time for the dead because I am too busy living.