When I was growing up there were very few positive places for me to turn in small town America. When I turned on the television, I was faced with a barrage of hate by the likes of Anita Bryant, Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority. I could not understand how something I could not control would damn me to hell or how I could be born somehow a social pariah? It seemed and it was unfair. There were very few places for a kid like me to turn to. Even among my friends there was no one I could talk with because we would dare not tell each other in fear we were wrong about the other. To be wrong about another could have damaging consequences either way if they decided to out you.
I remember when the first person I knew died of AIDS. I remember how his family told everyone it was something else. They told everyone it was kidney failure. You could feel the shame from the lies they told. Everyone who were his friends knew the truth. He was the first we knew to die, but far from the last. Friends were there one day and then they were simply gone without reason or explanation. If their families were with them to the end, which was rare, there were always lies to hide the truth. He died of a brain tumor. He got pneumonia from the flu. The lies were sometimes necessary because at that time people were finding it hard to find places to bury their dead or somewhere to have them cremated which, usually ended up being the path of least resistance for a grieving family. These were the lucky ones. Many families just left them alone to die without anyone with them. These were the realities of the times we were living. A works where people could easily discard you for being gay. Discarded like the morning trash.
The immediate assumption of course was always that these men were promiscuous and somehow deserved Gods wrath upon them. The truth is I had friends who had one sexual experience and they contracted the virus. One experience and for some of them their lives were completely over and for others they are still living with that one decision they made decades ago today.
That was the world I grew up in. A world where being gay was a curse. A time when I was taught to hate myself. A time I was told I was somehow less than human or valuable. We were taught we were defectives. I had a drag queen friend who I went to high school with and I can remember him telling me, “Be quiet about yourself. You have a future and I am promising you the world we are living in will take it away if you come out at this time.” There was a lot of his truth in his words even though at the time I didn’t want to believe him. However, I did finally come out at 29 and I was so relieved and happy I did. By that time I was raising three kids as a single father and for that reason my coming out was very limited. I came out of the closet one very slow foot at the time. During that time, they could take your children away from you for being gay alone. I couldn’t take the chance.
I wanted so much more for this generation of gay men. I thought we were making strides to open more doors for them. But lately you can once again hear those hateful voices and threats. Once again politicians are using us as political pawns to gain votes as they strum up the hate. When will it ever end? When will the world finally come to point where it no longer crucifies its gay youth for the things they cannot control? When will the world finally understand there is nothing wrong or defective by those who love differently, identify differently than their hetero-norm counter parts?
But sadly, as I write this there are still people who are being imprisoned and put to death for being LGBTQ+. When will it end? I wish I could give you the answer. I do know I will not see it in my lifetime. Change happens much too slowly. There is always three steps forward and then two steps back. The fight is never going to be truly over. I will continue to fight for a better world as I long as I am breathing. I will also continue praying for the LGBTQ+ kid out there who would rather be dead than to let the world know who they truly are. Imagine death being your only option. It is heartbreaking and this is the result of the hate of some. They are even killing their own children with their hate. I pray for change.