What Matters Most

I was sitting here behind the desk doing some work. Nothing important and nothing which required a lot of thought. You know the kind of tasks where you mind can and often does wander? I was thinking about life’s blessings and how the things I thought were going to make me happy were actually the things which in some ways matter the least to me.

As a young man I thought more than anything I wanted to work in the theater. The theater was the place were I was going to find complete fulfillment. Now don’t get me wrong you can find fulfillment in the theater, but you learn very quickly when money comes into play it just kind of sucks the fun and the life right out of it. Theater as a business is a complete different animal than theater for simply the sake of theater and art.

As life continued I thought I would like to do television. In my mind television was where I was going to find the answers to my dreams. I have done a whole lot of television at this point of my life and I can tell you that very little satisfaction ever came from being on a show. Kind of difficult to watch your life being dramatized and portrayed, only in the next moment to be interrupted by tampon and erectile dysfunction commercials.

Then I thought I was going to find everything I needed by doing a film. A movie would bring me everything I wanted in life. I would not only be in film but I would also write for it as well. I was lucky enough to do a few films but in the end I did not find the satisfaction I desired at all in film. In fact. I learned a whole lot about the ugly side of life from working in film and what that ugliness can and will do to people.

So, I became an author and I have to tell you I do get some satisfaction from writing.However, I do not get any satisfaction from working with publishers. Again, once money enters the equation it has a tendency of sucking the life and creativity out of art. Did you know my favorite book I wrote is the only book I self published? Crazy A Prayer for the Dead is by far my favorite of my books. This is why I have made a serious decision to self publish from here on out. Besides, I am married to a perfect artist and editor which helps a whole lot.

I have worked for SyFy, Discovery, CW, Destination America, Warner Brothers, CNN, NBC Universal, Chiller, The Travel Channel and more. I have been featured in newspapers and magazines around the world including Entertainment Weekly, Variety, The New York Post, and The Sun to name just a few. I have done just about every major radio show in the United States, Canada, and the world which has included everything from Man Cow to Coast 2 Coast. I am in the Library of Congress in at least three different places with multiple pieces of work. Are you impressed yet? You really shouldn’t be if you are. Often the things you will be remembered for in life are not the things where you found happiness.

After chasing and achieving all of these dreams in the end do you know where I found satisfaction? I found it in the easiness and simplicity of the love I have for my husband. I found it in all five of our children and the loves of their lives. We get more excited and proud of their accomplishments than anything we ever accomplished on our own. Our three granddaughters who continue to teach make us happier than anything else in life and they continue to teach us about not only acceptance but unconditional love. My mother and father who taught me it was okay to tell people my truth because no matter what you will still have those who will still love you. These are truly the riches found in life and all of that other stuff which might impress some in the end does not matter all of that much.

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My Soul is Worth More than Silence

There was a time when I did not say much publicly about politics. That was before it was no longer just political bickering and it became a fight for ALL OF US living the life that we choose and with whom. That was before we were in a fight for the ideals of what the United States is suppose to be about and the country which so many gave their lives to preserve. The greatest generation understood that.

When I first started being vocal with my rage against Trump and the GOP someone said to me, “You really should not take sides since you are an author and you want people to buy your books.” It obviously was a veiled threat. That was the first of many times and each time I would say to them, “I would rather go to my grave penniless than to support hate.”

You know I saw Dolly Parton say something completely the opposite the other day about not saying anything because she did not want to offend anyone. Well that may have been true when you could have peddled this off as a political point of view, but you see Dolly it changed when it became moral. Babies are being put in cages, laws are being passed to legally hate and you are worried someone will not buy a fucking record. You’re right Dolly. Someone will not buy another record or buy another concert ticket of yours because I can guarantee you I fucking won’t.

So for anyone out there that thinks I will stand by and watch the destruction of this country quietly because I will lose book sales, well then you do not know me and you obviously have never truly read one of my books in the first damn place. I don’t care. I will not be quiet and I will not be silent. I just might write a book about it all in the end because that is who I am and many people should write the truth about these dark days.

So for those of you out there who have said, “God bless Dolly for not getting involved,” I have and will continue to block you because Dolly is not doing God’s work by remaining silent while babies are being held in cages. Dolly is not doing God’s work while old men are being beat in the street for being a different color. Dolly is not doing Gods work as another gay couple is beat for holding hands. Dolly is being greedy and Dolly is being a coward. End of story.

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No Hate Allowed

“NO GAYS ALLOWED.” This is a picture of a very real sign with very real anger and hate in its meaning. It is not a made up sign but a very real sign which is today hanging in a store window and in other windows like it across this country. This is where we truly are, at this moment in history.

You know I have tried to be understanding with the Trump voter. Why would our family and friends vote for an agenda that would hate us? It was very hard when I found out I had actual family and friends who voted for this monster of hate and division. I was shocked they would support an agenda so clearly designed to hurt not only LGBTQ people but all sorts of different kinds of people. I would never do that to people who I loved and supported. I would not do that to those whose corner I was truly in. So, I forgave them because there were a lot of things being said at that point which seemed impossible and untrue. Sure, some of it was denial. Those who are supposed to care for us surely would not support hatred against us. For me this thought went against all logic and reason. I was brought up to believe family and friends were to love and support each other. It was with utter shock that I saw people I should have trusted turn their backs upon the well-being of myself and others for who they are, where they came from, and the color of their skin. A lot of water has gone under that bridge. That was then and this now.

NOW, I am way past understanding. If family and friends are still supporting Trump and/or his agenda then it is obvious I cared way too much for those family members and friends because it is now brutally obvious they did not care about me or my family in the way we cared about them. You cannot support hate and then, in return, expect the hated to understand. I don’t understand and I know there are a whole lot more like me who also just do not understand it. How can a person, who you would have trusted your children with, support an agenda that hates you and also has no problem ripping children away from their families and caging them? No exaggeration. These things are happening. And at this point,  ALL of the haters just need to move on because we cannot be family or friends anymore. True family and friends do not support hate against each other. And I will not support anyone who supports harming a child. It really is that simple and something I have struggled with over the past couple of years. Hard to believe but this is where things are at. Time to make some hard choices, but I have no problem making those choices because I have had a whole lot of family and friends make those choices for me.

Trump is evil – and those who support him are part of that evil as well. Trump hates my family and those who support him hate my family as well. Why would I open our house and life to those who support hate against us? Why would I trust people around my grandchildren who have no problem caging the children of another?  These are people I can no longer trust and they are people I sure no longer need in or around my life. And the sad thing is, these are only a few aspects of his hate agenda that they support. There is really much, much more. THEY have made my choice to move on and away from them quite simple and easy.

Thank you for letting me vent. This truly how I feel. If you support the hate that hates us or others, you then become responsible for that hate because you gave it and are still giving it power. If that is the case, I have no use for that hate or you in my life. I can’t because I cannot support those who support hate. It just does not make sense. So I am proverbially hanging up my own sign and my sign says, “NO HATE ALLOWED.”

 

Stand Up Be Heard

I have said from the start of this Trump hate filled nightmare that love will continue to Trump hate and the hate carried in the hearts of his followers.

This year I celebrate Pride in a new city and country which has opened its arms to accept myself and my husband as new residents despite the horrible behavior of the illegitimate President residing in the White House. He was put there by Russian influence and not a majority of the people of the USA. He is not our President and never will be.

Love Trumps hate and it always will. He and his hate will come to an eventual end. We LGBTQ have been here all along and we will be here long after the Orange Hitler is gone.

Stand tall. Stand Proud. And remember Silence=Death and we will not go into any type of future quietly. Not today. Not tomorrow. Raise your voices and be heard! I love you all!

NO MORE SEXUAL ABUSE

Sexual harassment and abuse happens in all walks of life. I have personally distanced myself before from people who beat their significant other and I have also distanced myself quite publicly from someone in entertainment who I know who roofied, abused, and raped a woman. I have kept it quiet for quite some time now because I never felt it was something I should tell because coming from me at this point it was just hearsay which could and would obviously be denied.

Not all sexual abuse goes reported. There is a shame and the fear of not being believed which keeps victims from coming forward. It has always bothered me that I knew of the abusive behavior of these two men and I could never stand up and say it publicly in order to prevent it from happening to someone else. The only thing you can do in the end it to distance yourself from them as much as you can and pray for those who might come in contact with them. And also pray that someday one or more of their victims will stand up and publicly tell their story.

Hopefully all of the attention which has been placed upon this very serious issue lately will cause more victims to stand up and point out their abusers and hopefully the abusers in this world will think twice from harming someone else.

The Truth Behind The Exorcist

Where did 1949 St. Louis Exorcisms of the young boy which inspired The Exorcist take place?
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Father Bishop’s Diary tells us there were only three St. Louis locations where the exorcisms of the young boy took place. The diary is very specific that the suburban house, Alexian Brothers Hospital, and the Rectory of St. Xavier’s College Church were the only locations where the exorcisms were performed in St. Louis.

Keep in mind, the diary was not a document which was meant for public consumption. It was an internal document written to record history for Church eyes only. This makes the diary the most accurate historic document of the events. You may have seen other locations in books or on television, but there is no evidence to prove the existence of any other locations outside these three locations.

What is pictured here is an old picture of Alexian Brothers Hospital. In the picture you can see a cross on top of the building. The other picture is of this same cross which is now housed in the City Museum here in St. Louis. It is said during the final moments of the exorcism this cross was struck by lightning. Now a lot more occurred during those final moments, but you will have to read Confrontation with Evil for the full true story.

The problem when dealing with a case which eventually would inspire the horror classic, The Exorcist is the film itself. People who have attempted to tell this true story of the 1949 St. Louis Exorcism cannot seem to get past the shadow of the popular film. The film instead of the truth ends up dictating the story for them. In return, many important aspects of the case have been rewritten or ignored because it did not fit into the framework of their idea of the film, The Exorcist. So what you get is a fractured, exaggerated, and in many cases, an untrue telling of what actually happened to the young boy in 1949 St. Louis.

That is the reason my book is dedicated to the boy himself and the truth which up until this point has never been fully told.

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There is no such thing as an Overnight Success.

There is no such thing as being an overnight success. This is a lesson I keep learning. Don’t get me wrong, it is a great moment when all of a sudden your work is recognized. Writing is not easy. It is hard work. Writing is a brief moment of creativity and then a whole lot of rethinking, reconstructing and rewriting. I have been working very hard for years doing what I do and those moments when a spotlight is put upon that work it is a wonderful moment in time. But is nothing more than a fleeting moment. Each success builds upon the last success. Hopefully when all of the years have gone by and you have written your last word people will look at your body of work and say, “Hey that author was really good.” Until then, there are hours of hard work which lead to those fleeting moments of success.
 
So why write? It is a personal journey actually. I write things which I can learn from and in which I can find personal growth. In some ways it is my version of therapy and a way to better understand the world around me. If a reader finds something worthwhile within something I write then that is an amazing thing because it is very hard to write anything that captures the attention of anyone. So you have to first write for yourself and then after that if someone finds it interesting that is just the icing on the cake.
 
When the big news stories in the New York Post and The Sun came out for my new book my mother said something very wise to me, “Was a whole lot of hard work and many years to be an overnight success wasn’t?” She was right. Success of any type does not come easy and does not happen without years of hard work. You have to pay your dues and you have to put the time into it and even then that is sometimes not enough.
 
My best advice for you is to do what you love. No matter what that thing might be. If you are doing what you love then that is the true measure of success. The positive attention, like I said before, is just icing on an already wonderfully baked cake.
 
There are many days when I have to remind myself of this very thing. The New York Post and The Sun were yesterday and yesterday’s accomplishments. My personal focus needs to be on the work which is ahead. If I am lucky that spotlight might come my way once more and if that never happens again, well then, I am doing what I love. That is truly the most important thing.