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Taking Responsibility

It is about how to heal and also very much about my acceptance of personal responsibility within my own life, situation and also haunting.

There is a big difference between seeking sympathy versus seeking understanding. When I decided to tell my story I knew it was very important to include all aspects of it because it was important to the understanding of what and how it happened. Sympathy seeking is not in my DNA. I simply do not seek or need it.

Whatever you do someone will find something to criticize about it. So I just did what I knew was the appropriate thing to do and tell it all. To understand the haunting you had to understand everything around it and leading up to it. You are going to see even more clearly why this was important when I release the special edition of Blessed are the Wicked with the Church report and analysis. When you are dealing with a haunting like this every aspect of someones life plays an important role in it. The books have described this fairly well and this is an analysis that the Church believes as well.

That is why there are things in the books which may not seem part of a supernatural book at all.The truth is these things that are actually the most important aspect of a true supernatural event. These are the things that open doors and let the monsters out to step in. I think that is important for all of us to keep this in mind during our everyday lives. If more people understand this then maybe it could help a lot more people, not just those who may be going through a supernatural type experience.

You want to do a supernatural film or television show? Then this is the message which is truly needed out there. How individual participation and acceptance of an event is directly linked to their attitude and their response to the world around them. It matters. You can help someone going through a difficult time in any situation, but unless they can accept their participation, reactions, actions and behavior in the situation it will never be truly over for them. This is really the message of my book, Blessed are the Wicked. It is about how to heal and also very much about my acceptance of personal responsibility within my own life, situation and also haunting. I think it was an important story to tell because everything about a haunting is not about being spooky. There are way more emotions, thoughts and feelings at play within the haunting than just the fear. A haunting comes with a whole package of things and unless you know the correct way to unpack it I promise you that you will end up drowning in it. I am speaking from experience.

Blessings to you all,

Steven

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Make a Wish

Our house is paid for. We have money in the bank and plenty of food for us to eat. We are clothed. We are safe. We are able to travel around the world wherever we want to go. We need nothing more in our life. So what do we have on our Christmas list this year?

Peace would be a good starter. There are too many hungry children in the world. If hunger could be abolished that would be great and while you are at it could you house the homeless? We still have people dying from all sorts of disease. We could use some cures here. It seems there are a lot of people walking through this life with hate in thier hearts. It would be nice if for just a moment they could see it is better to love their neighbor than to hate them. Please take care of those who are sad this season for whatever reason. Give someone considering suicide one more day to understand life is worth everything and not all is lost. So many things to wish for. The world needs so many things.

One last wish if you don’t mind. Our wish is that you find peace and happiness in your lives. May you be blessed just as much or more in your life than what we have experienced in ours. That would be a good place to start.

Happy holidays and Merry Christmas to you all. We love you all.

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The Respect for Marriage Act

The Respect for Marriage Act would enshrine marriage equality into federal law and was negotiated among a bipartisan group of senators.

In a few very short weeks Rick and I will be celebrating our fifth anniversary. We have been together for almost eight years. Hard to believe.

Tomorrow the US Senate will vote on the The Respect for Marriage Act. This would enshrine marriage equality into federal law and was negotiated among a bipartisan group of senators. This appears as it will pass both the Senate and the final vote in the House with bi-partisan support.

This will be one of the best Anniversary presents Rick and I could ask or could hope for. It is difficult to put into words the worry caused to all of us over the hateful and cruel threats of our marriages being dissolved by a vote or judicial decision. This not only is something which worried both of us as a couple, but our family as well. This vote could end a battle in our quest for equality but the war is far from over in the US and around the world. Equality is for everyone not for just one person or group. But just maybe for a moment we can pause, take a deep cleansing breath and then roll up our sleeves and get back to the fight.

The vote in the Senate is scheduled for tomorrow.

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Welcome: Some Thoughts…

Welcome to my world of thoughts and ideas. 

Why blog?

Well, I am writing all of the time even when I am or I am not writing a book. I have all of this content laying about with no where to go. It seemed to me the time was right to sit down and start pulling all of these ideas together. This is going to be different than my books because it is going to cover whatever is on my mind at any given moment. For those who are fans of my books, I think this will give you a chance to get to know me a little better and hopefully maybe we can learn something together in the process. Please subscribe and participate if you like.

Welcome to my world of thoughts and ideas.

“Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works.”

— Virginia Woolf

There are times when it is not so good. There are times when it can feel like a never-ending stressed out Thanksgiving dinner during a year where no one is getting along. Those holidays are excruciating and the worst. My grandfather use to always say,”Leave your attitudes and differences at the door.” He was a very wise man. The problem with social media is it doesn’t give you that opportunity to leave it at the door.

Social media has brought families closer together than ever before. But is that a good thing? Well obviously the answer is yes.

Right?

Maybe not so fast.

There are times when it is not so good. There are times when it can feel like a never-ending stressed out Thanksgiving dinner during a year where no one is getting along. Those holidays are excruciating and the worst. My grandfather use to always say,”Leave your attitudes and differences at the door.” He was a very wise man. The problem with social media is it doesn’t give you that opportunity to leave it at the door.

When I see this happening within my own family and I see it harming a relationship with a family member I remove the social media connection from that relationship. Yes, I have unfriended, unfollowed and even blocked family members on social media. Don’t judge me too quickly. Hear me out on this.

In my mind, I would rather preseve my relationship with my relative than see it go away completely. So I end the proverbial online never-ending dinner and move on from social media away from them. Not every family member you are meant to interact with daily and that’s okay. Again, the intent is to preserve the relationship instead of letting social media end it.

Social media is a great thing but it also can damage relationships when people can no longer get up from the table and go home. I love every single person in my family. I do. However, there are some family members that my relationship is on stronger ground with them off of social media than on.

See not as crazy as you might have thought.

When I Grow Up

I have never been absolutely sure what I wanted to be when I grew up. I know my epitaph is going to label me now as an author years from now when I leave this earth. I find this funny because writing was always more of a hobby for me than wanting it to be considered my profession. Truth is it is impossible to make a good living writing with writing alone in this world today. I still think of writing in many ways as a hobby.

When I was in my teens and twenties I wanted to be an actor more than anything else in the world. My acting chops are actually not half bad and I have had my share of standing ovations in the past. My problem with acting alone is the struggle and at a young age the criticism that you have to endure. I pretty much gave up the acting dream years ago when I was told by one of the top Broadway producers that I was too tall for anything playing on broadway at the time. Apparently, not everyone is a Tommy Tune and you must have a name for yourself in musicals if you are going to be over six foot tall. I was crushed at the time but it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

I was a broadcaster during different periods of my life. I enjoyed the interview aspects of broadcasting and having open lines as well. I am a good interviewer. I would even say a great interviewer. It was always my belief it was my job to make the person I was interviewing to look as good as possible for my listening audience. I have interviewed some great people through the years. You might have heard of people like Deepak Chopra, Anne Rice, Bad Company, Peter Criss, Geraldo and so many others. The only interview I wanted that I never got? Well that would be Stephen King.

I find it funny later in life now I am the one being interviewed. It was strange at first switching roles from interviewer to interviewee. In some ways, I am still in broadcasting. I have given interviews for radio, streaming, television and film literally around the world. My audiences are not just located in the US. In fact, I have always had a huge Canadian, UK and yes a huge Japanese following as well. My French audience came about partially because of my last name and also when my first book The Uninvited was released in French. I love having people all over the world follow my work.

I am a very good photographer. As a matter of fact, I worked for Hallmark a number of years training photographers and managers for their studios. Those of you who have read The Uninvited will remember the description of the funny hat they required us to wear. That division was started by the man who pulled FAO Schwartz out of bankruptcy. He was one of the reasons I wanted to work there. He stuck around for about my first three months and then left. The man was a freaking genius and I felt I learned a lot from his structures and methods. I think in some ways this is what I was best at. I was good at training and teaching people how to be successful from a business standpoint. This was a gift and curse both because it also gave me the knack to see when a business model was getting ready to fail. I can see it coming. I still do this now that I am retired from business. There are little mistakes and signs you can spot within a business which tells this tale.

Music has always played a large part in my life. There was a time when I was considered majoring in music instead of Communications and Theater. I sing. Not a bad singer. I played the clarinet for years as well. Music for me is an escape. You can always tell when I am dealing with something because I am either singing or listening to music. I am happy I did not go down this road because I think having music as a career would have taken the emotional outlet out of my life it provides. If you are in a bad mood find a good tune and belt it out. Trust me it works. It will make you feel better.

I have been very successful in this life. The funny thing is none of the success has happened the way I thought it would. I am trying to steer this a little differently for this next part of my life. I am far from over here. I wanted to do a movie and I have done films. I wanted to direct film and I have directed a few. One short film I am very proud of. I wanted to be on television and time and time again this is offered for me to do. I have been in front of many cameras. I wanted to be a broadcaster and I have very successfully fulfilled that dream as well. Everything I set out to do I have done. I am lucky that way. I have my books in the Library of Congress which is an honor which will outlive me long after I am gone. This is how I know I will be known as an author long after I am gone.

The most important thing I did with my life is to be a single gay father. I proved to a world that a gay man is capable of raising three children to become three amazing adults. This was not something which was common when I did it. In some cases children were taken from gay men for no other reason than being gay. I was some what of a trailblazer although I had to be very protected of our family and how we presented to the outside world. Now it is not uncommon at all for gay men to raise children. Now Rick and I have five kids all together. I have to tell you out of everything I have accomplished in this life and everything I have done those five kids are what I am most proud of. They are completely everything this life is about. So many years from now when God asks me what my favorite part of living this life was about my answer will be, “Being a father, grandfather and great grandfather. And also of course being husband for the love of my life. Being a family man was what it has all been about. That has been my favorite part of life.”

I have been very blessed so far in this life. Even the hard times were a blessing. Life is good. It all boils down to the way you decide to perceive your life. My perception of my life is extremely blessed. Exciting avenues still are ahead. Books are in the future and who knows whatever else will come my way in the future.

Screaming House Landlord Email

Excerpt from the last email from the Union House Landlord. Nothing has been changed from what you are seeing. This is exactly how the punctuation was in the email. Take close notice of the quotation marks. They are important and a message.

Excerpt from the last email from the Union House Landlord. Nothing has been changed from what you are seeing. This is exactly how the punctuation was in the email. Take close notice of the quotation marks. They are important and a message.

“The children are having fun running around the upstairs “circle” and “screaming” as children will do when they are having fun…..but the parents will probably stop that soon, when they get fully moved in and unpacked. It was just funny the first day of their arrival….with the upstairs empty and freshly painted. They immediately ran up the stairs, as quickly as little tots will do, and began running through the rooms, laughing and screaming with joy..it was so nice to hear “little angel screams”….I am hoping their guardian angels will be watching over them.”

This family lasted in the house for three months.

A Choice

At this point in my life I was standing at the crossroads. I was being given a choice. Live or die. I knew without question the decision was mine. I felt as if God and the universe had stood me at this decisive inflection point purposely to make this decision.

In November 2011, I lay in a hospital bed with a collapsed lung after open heart surgery. The doctor told me I had died on the table. I was not doing well. I had complications from the surgery and there were moments I felt for sure I was dying. At this point in my life I was standing at the crossroads. I was being given a choice. Live or die. I knew without question the decision was mine. I felt as if God and the universe had stood me at this decisive inflection point purposely to make this decision. It felt, as though through my death on the operating table, I had been somehow cleansed. Almost like a spiritual reset button of sorts had been pushed. The following few months after were the hardest and the most difficult of my life. The struggle from the previous ten years after the Union incident was gone. The sorrow and anger from the previous twenty years no longer weighed down everything about me as a person. It is funny because you would have thought in those acts alone I would have felt better. However, chaos is just as addictive as happiness and I was going through withdrawals. It was then I really understood the impact of what everything negative had upon my body because it had been all been lifted from me. However, the question still lingered for myself. Was it a death or was it a rebirth I was going to chose?

Over the next few months I went through a transformation which included serious reflection, conversations in my dreams with those I loved who had passed, the most vivid waking memories I had ever experienced in my life or since. At times it felt like the worst depression I have ever lived through. Physically the doctors would tell me I was making an excellent recovery. They could not see the battle which was happening within myself. Some serious al-encompassing healing was occurring and I could not put into words what was happening. I still am having difficulty describing it to you at this moment a decade later. Understand – it was personally and spiritually profound. 

On Tuesday February 28, 2012 I woke at 6:00am with my decision made. I chose life. That early morning I stepped out my front door and I went for a walk through Union,Missouri. I knew at the point I had a lot to rebuild physically and I also had to figure out how to get the hell out of this town and away from the house and the memories of a marriage which almost killed me. In my mind still today, I do agree with the Church when they said they believed both things were connected and the catalyst of what they believed was a demonic attachment. I walked out my front door that morning into a new life and I never looked back. Yes, there were supernatural influences which helped guide me to that moment, but the choice was mine. 

It has been over ten years since that early February morning. I now look back at how my life and my soul itself were changed for the better. The blessings and the changes through these past ten years cannot be denied. I am no longer a religious man. I do not believe religion serves me well at all. I think a whole lot of programmed pain from religion helped open the door to the evil which entered my life. I have found the truth for me is found within spirituality and not religion. My relationship with my God is strong, without religion being involved. My conversation with the spirit is a continual conversation, not one which happens only on one day a week, holy days or holidays Today I live a blessed and happy life with my husband Rick and my family. I am glad I chose to remain around. I have also learned the value of self-forgiveness, forgiveness and the importance of blessing the wicked to move away from healing into truly living. The final point. Do not let the devil or evil rent space in your head. Only you can kick them out and lock the door. Trust me, it really is up to you. Make your choice.

Just Not that Interesting

Those who spread rumors about another are also spreading rumors about you as well.

The things I hear about me are some of the craziest things you can imagine. I thought I lived a fairly normal and quiet life. However it appears I am a jet setting multi-millionaire who has lurid affairs with all sexes simultaneously and a deep seated need to verbally assault anyone I want to strike down with my ultra liberal agenda instructed by the deep state cabal. I think I also might have ties to the reptilians and the greys. One thing for sure I am a powerful warlock who has cursed the earth and those upon it. Right this way all evil spirits, demons and ghosts, come right through me. Hear me roar people!

Okay I got a little carried away there. The truth of the matter is I am very little of any of that at all. It is all rumor or made up stories to serve someone’s fantasy or crazy agenda.

Dear Christina North. The clear way to get your ticket punched for the hell train is to stand in judgement of others about things you know nothing about. It appears by your words you might be on the A train for that journey already.

Dear Mr. George Milton. Sharing your thoughts and ideas is not mean or hurtful just because they don’t match your right wing agenda. Just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t mean I want to make your cry. Cry if you must but that is on you and not me.

Dear Chelsea Stevenson. I am not going to hell for being married to a man. But you might be going to hell for condemning another and taking the lords name in vane.

The funny thing about my life is that however glamorous you might think it is I promise you it is not. I live a very quiet existence with my husband Rick. I have social anxiety most of the time so it is rare when we relate to anyone outside our home, even when we travel. My life is just not that interesting. I am a happily boring person and that is the way I like it.

I am sure a lot of these people believe what they are told. Some of them follow my every move and indicate as such in their messages. The problem is they get a little bit of fact and then their crazy imaginations kick in. Next thing you know I am riding naked on a camel through the Sahara high on LSD. Of course none of it’s true. I was drunk not high. Lol

One lady actually wrote me to say, “News about your lifestyle and evil ways has gotten back to St. Louis.” Oh mercy me no NOT ST. LOUIS!! Get a life lady. I could care less about the gossip in the Lou. I lived there long enough to know how that city rolls. Lol

My point is,the next time someone comes to you with a rumor stop and remember –
Those who spread rumors about another are also spreading rumors about you as well.

Now if you would excuse me my butler Jeeves has informed it is time for lunch to be served on the patio. I must work with Rick on how we are going to handle that St. Louis situation. Get Hilary and Bill on the phone. I need some serious ultra liberal help. Lol Seriously?

The Hooker from Crazy

Excerpt from Chapter 10 – The Hooker from Crazy, A Prayer for the Dead

“She wiped the tears from her eyes. Hell, she hardly remembered who she was anymore. She was some man’s fantasy for a short time and that was about it. She didn’t even use her real name while she was working. “My name is Candy, but I will be anything and anyone you want me to be,” she would often say to her tricks. Her real name was Margaret, a name that she hated more than anything in the world. There was nothing exotic or even interesting about Margaret. Margaret was someone that she had left behind a long time ago. Margaret was innocent and shy. Candy was loose, carefree and, to the johns she fucked, she was one sweet piece of ass. Freud would have had a field day with her, she thought, as she took another drag from her cigarette.”

When I wrote the chapter about Margaret the truck stop prostitute I had to write it within the confines of her life. She was a real person who experienced a horrible death. She was also a compilation of others as well. But in her essence she was Margaret (Candy) and she broke my heart to write her.

Margaret was the most sympathetic person I have ever written about. She was caught up in the middle of some very ugly things just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was some insensitive and judgmental people might have called a lot lizard. All of the rest of the characters who come to a bad end in the book paid a karmic price. Margaret was different. Margaret was a true victim without question.

When I began digging into her thoughts and what her life must have been like, I felt such heartache for her. Her character I think works in the book because she is that part in all of is that is a little broken. What was even harder was diving into her dreams knowing that after I was done writing her in this chapter I was going to kill her in the next.

I write with music playing to evoke a feeling or emotion as I write. This was very important in writing the book Crazy. I wanted the writing to reflect different rhythms and music to achieve this. It also helped to make each character very distinct in the writing because they each had their own rhythmic voice. For Margaret I picked the song Something by the Beatles. It was late at night as I sat writing about her with that song playing. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I wrote. It flowed out onto the page within thirty minutes. Margaret was once again alive on paper.

Never before or after as a character crawled into my psyche like she did. Her death in the book is the most senseless. Margaret was a true innocent bystander who gets caught up in the horror of one messed up night.

All of the characters in Crazy were real living people or in a few cases, a composite of people. I think that is why this book packs such an emotional punch and why many readers talk about walking away from the book haunted by it afterwards. At least I hope so.

I tried to be as authentic with their lives and feelings as I could. After all, the horror of the story deals how we connect in this world and the horrors we inflict upon each other. The real monsters in this world are almost always other people. Like Jean-Paul Sartre said in his play No Exit, “Hell is other people.” He was right. Think of it this way – what if all the hurt you caused another in your living life came back to haunt you in death? Now that is what I call Crazy.

This excerpt is from Crazy, A Prayer for the Dead by Steven LaChance

This is an excerpt from the book, Crazy – A Prayer for the Dead by Steven LaChance. It is edited from Chapter 11 titled, Suicide. It is a very small portion taken from that chapter.

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.” The steaming water from the showerhead was stinging his skin as Walter sat on the floor of the shower reciting the Lord’s Prayer. His whole body, from head to toe, was trembling uncontrollably. Continuously reciting and crying the Lord’s prayer which he had been taught so many years ago as a boy, in the hopes that, in combination with the water, it would somehow wash away all of his sins.

He could hear Ben’s voice in the hall coming closer. His voice sounded low and guttural, crazy like. Out of fear Walter reached out and placed his hand on the pistol that lay next to him, not even a full arm’s length outside of the shower stall. He had watched from around the corner and seen what Ben had done. He saw Ben murder the girl. He saw Sarah’s blood begin to percolate everywhere as the knife slid across her throat. He saw it all. And he did nothing. He could not move, he just stood there and watched in fear. He knew if he tried he would be next. He was just as guilty as Ben. He might as well have been right there with that knife in his hand. He might as well have taken her life because when it comes out in the wash it was just as much his fault as Ben’s. He had her blood on his hands too. She wasn’t supposed to die, she wasn’t supposed to die. This was crazy. It kept going through his mind again and again. He could feel the old feeling of guilt starting to creep once again throughout his body, that sick feeling which would not go away. The room began to spin as the cold hand of guilt grasped his insides and began to rip and tear and shred what little of who he was that remained. 

He could feel the cold of the gun upon his hand, a sharp difference to the stinging water that hit his body from the showerhead above. He knew what he had to do. The voices in his head were telling him what he had to do. 

“Do it you worthless piece of shit. Do it…”

Over and over the voices were overlapping telling him what needed to be done. 

“Do it…” 

His hand reached around the gun. 

“It’s all your fault.”

“Everything is always all your fault.”

“Do it…” 

“Crazy.”

With his hand around the gun he continued his prayer in hopes of blocking out the voices. “Thy kingdom come…Thy will be done….”  It was not helping. The voices kept coming stronger and stronger. 

“Do it. Do it now.”

“No time for prayers.” 

“Crazy.”

“Not for you.”

“Your fault.” 

“Crazy.” 

“Do It. Always your fault…” 

The gunshot echoed as Walter put the gun into his mouth and pulled the trigger, splattering the back of his head and brains all over the back of the shower stall. A small puff of smoke released from his mouth as he collapsed half in and half out of the shower. A puddle of blood instantly began to mix with the water flowing in a circular motion down the drain. The voices had stopped with the shot of the gun.

The Hooker came busting into the shower room with her shirt undone, bra showing, standing there shaking as the blood began to flow around her tacky red platform shoes. She did not utter a sound. Not a word. Her eyes were wide, taking in what was left of Walters’s brains upon the walls and the gaping hole in the back of his head. She covered her mouth, afraid to scream and not wanting anyone to hear her. She began to move back out the door slowly, never taking her eyes off of the horror of the scene in front of her, one tacky red platform step at a time. Until she was stopped by something large which was standing right behind her. She could feel a wet sticky cloth with her right hand. She felt the sensation of someone’s warm breath on the back of her neck. She slowly turned around to see who was standing behind her. There was a man with a blood-covered face. A man completely covered in blood. She had backed up straight into Ben. He looked at her with wild white eyes through his blood-covered face. Wild eyes and blood is all she saw as she began to scream.

This is an excerpt from the book, Crazy – A Prayer for the Dead by Steven LaChance. It is edited from Chapter 11 titled, Suicide. It is a very small portion taken from that chapter.