When I see the word blog it has always scared me a little. You see the word, BLOG whereas I see the word, BLOB or BLAH. It is not because I do not like the idea of blogging and the sharing of ideas. If that were the case, I would not be an author at all. It is the idea of the commitment a blog requires and takes to maintain. The idea of having enough content and will I have enough to say or share with you. Quite frankly that scares the living hell out of me.
All of my social media friends I know at this moment will be taking a huge sigh of relief because now they will not have to read paragraphs upon paragraphs from me on everything from politics, gay rights, the supernatural, and anything else which might strike me at any given moment. They say I do not understand the idea of acceptable social media lengths of posting. Twitter limits the amount of words precisely due to long winded writers like myself. Facebook and TUMBLR on the other hand have not been as wise and it shows at times when I really get on a roll. Well it actually shows a lot. A day does not go by where I start something with one sentence and it turns into a hundred. I always find myself saying during these daily infractions, “Just one more thought to share before I am done.”
Even through my fear of blog commitment is very real and does exist, the time has finally come for me to take the blogging plunge. So here it is, THE BLOG. You are not always going to agree with what I say here, but I always promise to share the truth about my thoughts and what I might be feeling from this moment to the next. In some ways, I feel like I just might be participating in the recording of history. Surely it is the bloggers in this world who are now the ones documenting the thoughts, events, and actions of the times.
So yes I am ready to take the blog plunge. Here we go. I hope you enjoy it.
I have a few thoughts I want to share with you and I have waited until this moment to do it. Up until 2016 I never really shared my political views publicly. For me, my political choice was a personal choice. It is true I had worked on political campaigns. It is also true that I also worked as a producer for what was a very conservative political show. However my personal choice I believed was along the lines of Walter Cronkite. The idea that a broadcaster had the obligation to report the news not be part of the news. I believed that then and I still believe that now even in the age of partisan reporting.
So what changed? Why in 2016 did I come out of the box so strongly against Donald Trump? I did it because I believed it was not a political choice and still don’t. For me it was about right and wrong. It was about morality. The truth is politically I am very moderate in some ways and could be conservative in others. This was personal and the idea that when history looks back unfavorably at Donald Trump, and it will, I will be able to tell my grandchildren I stood for the right things. I felt strongly about that then and I feel strongly about that now. It was never about Democrat or Republican for me. As a matter of fact, I have many family members and friends who are Republican. I still do.
What did it cost me for standing up for my beliefs? One of the first thing which happened were the Trump supporters who immediately attacked and I lost a whole lot of readers of my books. I was actually told numerous times to stop talking badly about Trump or I would lose sales. My response would be to bring it on. Secondly, I lost a lot of people who I considered friends and I lost family members as well. I learned what it was like to be on the receiving of hate once again. Being gay I know what hate feels like. The first thing every single attack would begin with was calling me a derogatory name about me, my husband and my family. These things were almost immediate and continue to this day. The hate mail I receive you would not believe how vile they could be. I have a family member who to this day sends me anonymous hate mail and I know this because I tracked the messages to the exact location they were coming from. This is not an exaggeration.
So the choice to come out against Trumpism did have its losses but I could lay my head on my pillow at night knowing I was doing what I believed was the right thing to do. I still do. I also still believe I was standing on the right side of history. I sincerely do not care what your party affiliation is. I really don’t. What I do care about was how you treat others. This was never about politics for me. This was about living in a world where we could continue making the steps to live equally and lovingly. You know everything is somehow connected to this idea of loving each other. A world where we separate and discriminate others and put children in cages was a world I do not want to live in and one I would never want to live in.
Like you, I don’t have the answers to everything. And I am not naive to think that one election is going to cure all of the problems which were uncovered by Trumpism. But just maybe the uncovering of those problems and inequalities will help us begin to heal. We have seen what the other option is and hate is never the answer. Hopefully now I can go back into my box and keep most of my political thoughts to myself. However, politics does not equal fighting against discrimination and hate. That is the difference between right and wrong. That battle continues.
I am in a new Shock Doc for the Travel Channel about the case which inspired the film, The Exorcist.
THE EXORCISM OF ROLAND DOE (Two-Hour Shock Docs Special)
UPDATE: No Exorcism of Roland Doe tonight October 27, but this is not bad news. The network saw the shows and were very excited about them and wanted to give them great promotion. So stay tuned for the premiere dates. This is exciting news but the downside we have to wait a bit longer to see them. I am very excited and proud of my participation in the Exorcism of Roland Doe. So we have to wait a little bit longer but this is good news because they are going to make the premiere a bigger event. Stay tuned.
Here is the surprise I have been sitting on since May. I am in a new Shock Doc for the Travel Channel about the case which inspired the film, The Exorcist.
In 1973, “The Exorcist” shocked moviegoers. Overnight, the sinister presence of satanic evil seemed frighteningly real for millions of Americans. Archival footage shows audience members frightened out of their wits – and literally out of their seats. Some in the audience ran out of the theatre; others got physically ill or couldn’t sleep for weeks. Through rare archival footage, this shock doc will feature the cultural impact of the horror movie and explore the story of Roland Doe, the chilling true story behind “The Exorcist.” And for the first time on television, an investigator will expose a shocking secret and possible cover-up in the real-life exorcist case of Roland Doe.
Recently I have seen a lot of people from all over the world having trouble seeing the seriousness in this pandemic. All they see is the money they are losing from not working and quite honestly when you are facing going hungry, no power or water, let alone keeping a roof over your head it becomes hard to wrap your mind around this being as serious as it really is.
These people are not stupid. These people are not being uncaring. These people are not putting their heads in the sand. These people are truly scared and in their minds they are weighing what is best for them and their family. In many cases, it is a lesser of two evils for them. I am hungry, I am thirsty, I am cold, I am in the dark and I have no shelter are very powerful and valid survival instinct type worries.
What I am trying to say to you is be a little more understanding of your neighbors situation and just maybe stop being a little too quick to judge. Give a little more thought how to help those who are in and are going to be in serious need because of this pandemic.
If anything living through very hard times taught me in this life was that you cannot judge your neighbor unless you have walked in their shoes.
I am human. I get worried, frightened, and scared just like anyone else. Believing in a positive way of living is what I believe but I also believe in sharing true and honest feelings when clearly everyone is going through a shared experience. I believe in taking the time to let those you are close to that you are feeling vulnerable.
It is called sharing and often when you share these things it helps you not only to deal with your feelings but also the feelings someone else might be having as well. This is not being negative at all because believe it or not the world is not always going to be Skittles and rainbows.
Part of living is getting bloodied up. Part of living is sharing the whole experience with each other, not just the happy times. It is in the darker times of my life where I have learned the most about myself and those are the times which have molded me into the person I am today. I do believe in the power and resiliency of the spirit. I have seen it work in the most amazing ways. I do also believe in being a positive but realistic and an honest influence in this world.
I think is a huge disservice to people when you hear supposed enlightened people say not to share negative thoughts or feelings. Just keep those feeling and thoughts to yourself because we cannot all continue to sing kumbaya with a buzz kill. I think that is not only unhealthy but unrealistic and a detrimental message. A shared experience is an opportunity for a learning experience. A mature healthy enlightened adult shares with others all aspects of living and all aspects of the spirit.
I believe we should strive to live as positively as possible but to push down, hide or ignore those feelings of fear, sadness and worry is not healthy and not living in a positive way at all either. To be spiritually healthy is to understand you have to deal with all of the baggage and it cannot be hidden and pushed away from others because that is a quick way to be attacked by negativity, evil, or demons or whatever you would prefer to call it. Your spirit cannot live and grow in the light if you remain hiding in the dark, It just does not work that way. Being enlightened means understanding all aspects of living and how to deal with all aspects to be not only for us to be a light in this world but also a realistic and trustworthy voice as well.
If you go looking for demons in this world you will find them and they will tear your life apart. If you go looking for angels your life will be enlightened and blessed. However, this does not mean to ignore the lessons life is putting before you and hide them behind a false smile because in that case you are just lying to yourself and the world at large. This harms not only your spirit but the collective spirit we all share as well. The spirit gives us warning signs which should be dealt with and not ignored. We are living in a time of spiritual warning.
I noticed in my years investigating the paranormal, hauntings were easily influenced by the attitude of those relating to them. In almost all of the severe haunting cases those experiencing it were going through significant negative life events. I began to notice a direct correlation between the attitude and energy of a person with that of what I would have once called a haunted location. If you were possible to change the attitude of the haunted person you could change their negative energy output to positive and within a very short time these people would claim a reduction in negative experiences.
I would use a very easy exercise with them. I would tell them each morning when they woke to think of three things that they were grateful for. What I found is if you could get them to see the good in their lives it had a dramatic impact on the negative aspects of that same life. As the positive energy grew the negative energy declined. This said a lot about these situations we call hauntings. There are two types of hauntings 1. Haunted Person 2. Haunted Location. The Haunted Person is not actually haunted at all. These people are high energy people with vast reserves and outputs. So when one of these people is experiencing negativity it can play out in very physical way.
Haunted Locations are places which whether by natural or man made reasons are places which are not actually haunted at all. They are high energy locations which have been molded by negative or positive events throughout its history. We often see this in places where suicides have taken place. That sort of negativity leaves an imprint on a location. So when you add an high energy person with a high energy location both charge each other and in some extreme cases thought, memories, fears, anger, sadness and more can physically manifest. It is high energy transformed negatively or positively depending on person and location or both. Exorcism is nothing more than giving a person a placebo or crutch to cure what they were always capable curing themselves. Remember Dorothy tapping her heels together three times in the Wizard of Oz saying there is, “No place like home.” This is the same thing. It is no different.
Stop and think on this for a moment.
In physics and chemistry, the law of conservation of energy states that the total energy of an isolated system remains constant; it is said to be conserved over time. This law means that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it can only be transformed or transferred from one form to another.
So in fact, what the paranormal considers ghosts are actually energy transformed. So now that question is answered, doesn’t it make much more sense to spend your time discovering ways to improve your own personal energy and seeking to understand it? If you have the power within yourself to cause negative experiences to happen, or what you thought was paranormal activity, would it not make more sense to use that same energy to have a positive impact on your person and life? It is not about ghosts, demons or monsters at all. It’s about energy. Your birth, life and death are about your energy and how it changes and transforms throughout your life and death journey. Death in fact is not an ending but a transformation as well.
Enough of all this paranormal nonsense because the answers are not to be found there. As a matter of fact, while you are running around looking for ghosts and boogeymen there are those of us out here who have figured out the answers are within personal enlightenment. The answers you are seeking are not going to be found in all of this paranormal silliness. I spent years trying to find answers there and in the end I found for the most part the paranormal is wrong and the only truth I ever found was the truth I found within myself and the manipulation of my own energy.
I have always been gay. Looking back at my childhood I can see those moments which clearly stand out. I can look at myself as a child and know that being gay was not something I ever chose to be. It was something I just was. The only choice it seems I made in life was when I chose to follow a straight life and completely deny the person I truly was. That was a seriously bad choice. It was the worst choice and the wrong choice, which almost destroyed me completely.
I was talking to a family member recently who I had not spoken to in a very long time. They told me although they did not approve of the choice I have made in my life they were glad to see me happy. Once again from someone the ugly word “choice” reared its ugly head and even though this family member had the best of intentions it still stung with the fact they had no clue or understanding what they had just said or the person I truly was.
I think about my early years. I could have fallen into every single gay stereotype you could imagine. The Wizard of Oz was hands down my favorite film and I cried the day my sister told me Judy Garland was dead. At five years old I was a huge fan of the non-intentional campy film The Valley of Dolls. In my opinion, what five year did not want to grow up like the tragic Patty Duke character Nealy O’Hara? Hey let’s remember she was living with that hottie Ted Casablanca. I wanted desperately to be a Jet and dance through the streets of New York just like in West Side story. You could often find me dancing in front of my house replaying scenes and musical numbers. I knew the complete Streisand songbook by heart and would sing it completely if provoked. And most of all I had a huge attraction to Tom Jones and the Greatest American Hero. Yes I was a weird kid. A very weird kid but I was also gay even before I knew anything about sex or sexuality. I just was.
Times have changed and growing up gay is much different than in the seventies and eighties. There is much more acceptance now than ever before even though the world as a whole has a long way to go. So why do we have to still hear heterosexual people tell us they either approve or disapprove of what they believe is our choice? It is a ridiculous statement considering we never in return stated the obvious if I chose to be gay then they must have chosen to be straight. Of course that is ridiculous statement. It is ridiculous no matter who you are. So why do straight people like to parade it out constantly? Is it a fear that if it is not a choice a family member or even their own child could be gay? Is it their way of handling their own prejudice and behavior concerning gay people? Does it make them feel superior or more Christian to state and believe it is a choice? Is it guilt? I think it must be a combination of all these things and more. In some way it is being supportive without truly having to say I give you my support for being a homosexual and I understand it is a completely normal way of being. It almost an easy way out so no one ever will point a finger at them concerning their own sexuality. Like I told someone years ago,”Sexuality is not black or white. Sexuality is a series of grays.”
For most of us being gay is something we did not choose. It was not something we became because it is fashionable. It is not something we chose to rebel against societal norms. It is not something we became in order to hurt family members or to cause them shame. It is just how we were created. It is in every fiber of who we are as people. The damage comes when you make the serious mistake of telling someone they can choose to be or not to be gay because that is a complete lie. It is a lie which often leads to unhappiness and suicide for those who believe they can choose and try to hide their true self. What do you think conversion therapy is all about?
So please be supportive and please never say to a gay person that you support their choice. Believe me when I tell you that is was not a choice for us in the same way it was not a choice for you to be straight. We were born this way and so were you.
What do you tell a child who might be experiencing hate at the hands of others in this life? Tell your child the meaning of life is loving. It does not matter who you love, or what they look like or even what sex they are. People who hate them are hating something within themselves and trust me it has nothing to do with those of us they hate.
Sometimes they are gay and frightened themselves. Sometimes they are jealous of something we might have. Sometimes they just hate themselves so much that they have to find someone else to project it upon. Same goes for the racists and the homophobes in this world.
We are never going to cure stupid in this life but we can live our best lives in the most amazing ways and trust me when I tell you that is exactly what drives them crazy. Why? Because we just do not care what they think anymore other than you cannot fix stupid. You don’t have time for stupid when you are living authentically and happy.
That is the proper way to explain hate to a child.
It always bothers me when someone says the field of paranormal research. Field of study is something the vast majority of people do not understand and unless you are along the lines of a parapsychologist what you are doing is a hobby. Your evidence has no empirical value whatsoever to the world at large.
What a paranormal group is doing on a Saturday night is a hobby not research. Just by the sheer paying to do research at a haunted location is a contamination of evidence in itself. And those who are out there charging people to go into these locations are not researchers and are for the most part carnival barkers at best. Remember the flea circus from Jurassic Park, “Look at the fleas on the trapeze Mommy.” The fleas in this case are ghosts.
When I got involved in all of this paranormal craziness I was searching for answers to explain what happened to myself and children in the early summer of 2001. I have never found those answers. The truth is no one truly knows and no amount of evidence can explain away the unexplained. I saw this morning they are going to start giving tours and let television crews enter into one of the old houses of a family who was victimized by the supernatural. Let’s face the facts, those of us who have truly lived through something mean nothing more to the paranormal than entertainment or the possible opportunity for a Halloween special.
The paranormal taught me more about the bad side of human nature than it truly did anything else. It seemed to always bring out the worst in people. In the end it revealed a dark truth about people and very little about the supernatural.
The worst homophobia I have experienced in my life has been within the paranormal community. I have been threatened to be outed several times during the years which I thought was funny because anyone who really knew me knew I came out at 29. I just considered my sexuality a non topic and something which was my business. Afterall, sexuality and paranormal are not something which walks hand in hand.
In those early years when Greg Myers of the PTF was trying to undermine me and take over my group the first thing he wanted to do was to out me. He said to a close friend of mine,”I think we should tell everyone Steven is gay. The paranormal world needs to know.” Like outing me would be the thing to destroy me. There was another incident around the time of the Survivor Tour when that same group of people once again tried to out me to hurt me.
It was always the first thing paranormal people would turn to attack me usually out of jealousy. Mark Farley of St. Louis Paranormal Research, you know the guy who does the Fox Tours and Lemp Tours, when I distanced myself from him he went around telling people I came onto him which I can assure you never happened.
Then there was election night of 2016 and it was a paranormal person who called me a faggot within an hour of Trump being elected. There are many more examples. Those are just a few.
Now homophobia permeates every walk of life, not just the paranormal. However, from my experience there seems to be a larger homophobic problem within the paranormal community. There are exceptions to this rule, but for overall majority even those exceptions I am sure would tell you the first thing used when they are criticized or attacked is the fact they are gay. Like that matters in some way.
June is Pride month and I am asking all of my paranormal friends to take a moment to support the LGBTQ community. Just maybe we can be a product of change and just maybe we can change a few of those who hate.
So anyway it appears I have a stalker. Not the first stalker I have had and not the most original either. They seem to be really upset that I am living a happy life here in Mexico. They send me crime statistics all of the time. They are upset because I have said I feel safer here in Mexico than I did living in St. Louis. I could through the St. Louis crime statistics with you once again but, the truth is, St. Louis was a much more violent city on every single level than living here in Mexico.
Secondly, they are upset because our house is not done yet and seem to have this idea it has been put on hold. Our house is still being built. We had some permitting delays but in the end we are moving into the new house in June.
Next they seem to be really uptight about Ricks Maletropolis. They think we are living on what we make from it. lol Maletropolis is a hobby Rick decided to do to keep busy during the stressful build of the house. We do not expect to live on it and it is mainly for fun. Trust me when I tell you money will never be a problem. He does it for fun.
Next, Rick and I are together 24/7 and this seems to bother them as well. Not sure why but trust me no one is cheating on no one. lol
The IP lookups traced the location to two Dallas addresses but you know how that is. It really can be anybody from anywhere. However, we have gotten the locations of the IP addresses just in case we need to go to the authorities for some reason. I am amazed that there is someone out there still fixated with my life and what we are doing.
I thought once we left the paranormal sociopaths in St. Louis we would not have to deal with this anymore. Obviously, I was wrong. I am not sure why the paranormal, particularly in St. Louis, draws such drama and sociopathic behavior. One thing I can guarantee you for sure it is all connected with the paranormal, St. Louis, or both. lol Same characters who tried to steal my name a few years back are most likely involved. They are very predictable.
Anyway, I know the stalker is reading this. They are watching both Rick and my social media pages and are interested in everything we are doing. So for them I would like to say the past five years of my life have been amazing and get better every single day. People dream of living the life I am leading and not many get to. Seems to me that is the thing which is driving them crazy. My happiness. Very strange don’t you think?